Sex & Relationships
Swinging, Single and The Ratchet Co-Worker – The BlackGirlMagic Advice Column

By Britt Wiggins

What if Dear Abby was your college professor who “did hair” in her kitchen on weekends while making macaroni and cheese in the oven? That’s BlackGirlMagic, and she’s come to NegusWhoRead to fix the bullshit in your life.

Do you think an open relationship can really work? 
-S. James

Sure. I am of the mind that nearly anything is possible in relationships as long as both parties are clear about their expectations and desires. What is open? What is a relationship? What do you mean by work? What do you mean by really work? Will other people be brought in by both of you? Are each of you taking on the world one copulatory conquest at a time? These are just a few of the questions that need to be answered before embarking on this sexual journey.

I don’t think that open relationships would work for most people, as it is probably easier and more socially acceptable to claim exclusivity when it comes to your partner’s body. Some think life is complicated enough without drawing additional arbitrary lines around feelings and other invaluable, invisible things. If you feel like your partner’s body belongs to the world, and is only another vessel for our shared human experience, then it may be easier for you to explore an open sexual relationship. It is possible that the affection and intellectual property of an individual may be more valuable than sex. The fact of the matter is we all have (or have had) that one friend that just can’t be still, alone and/or faithful. Nearly every family tree has a branch of kids that your grandmamma had by her first husband who mysteriously died in a freak accident before she married Pop Pop. There’s always an Uncle Remus who had a whole other family who lived 2 blocks over, so, theoretically, why couldn’t an open relationship work if it exists between two sexually and emotionally secure and consenting adults? Go for it. Why the fuck not?

I am friends with a woman who I have worked with for 5 years. We are the only two black women working here, and she often complains about her lack of promotion, and attributes it to racism.

The thing is, our company is very conservative and she is very NOT conservative. She wears tight, short skirts, high heels for “da club”, fishnets) to work and always has loud dye or a very wild hairstyle.

She wants to speak up about how she is treated, and wants me to speak up with her. I am up for a promotion that will make me her supervisor. What do I do?
– O. George

Let’s get one thing out of the way, you don’t owe anyone your livelihood everAll of us out here choosing to live our lives while giving only select fucks about dress codes and the feelings of the man must deal with the consequences of our actions. If you don’t believe in her cause then you shouldn’t “speak up” with her. I do, however,  think you should tell her how you feel. If you think the way she dresses undermines her position at work, you should tell her. She may hate you for it, but if she has any level of social awareness she may realize you have been giving her the side eye for a while. She may file a change of status because “associate” might be a better term to describe your relationship.   Anywho… would a real friend want your tepid support?  I don’t even know you and I wouldn’t want your half-ass help, so you should express your personal concerns to this person you call your “friend.” A real friend would take your criticism and do something constructive with it. It may be that you are overreacting and her fashion just makes you uncomfortable. She may think you’re a coonin’-ass prude and, at that point, I don’t think the two of will still be friends, which might make her easier to supervise.

Or not.

I’m a newly divorced 36-year-old man back on the dating scene after 10 years. What should I be aware of? Any pointers?
– L.T.

At first I was going to ask some men about this to see what happens to men these days in the dating scene. I changed my mind. You should engage in conversation with as many beautiful, well read, captivating women that you can about this very topic. You can start with me.

What should you be aware of?

You should be aware that there are still Decpticons, THOT.s, freeloaders, gold diggers, and an overabundance of women out here losing at life, trying to take someone down with them. The line has blurred between the sweet girls, the college girls, the nerdy girls, the girls who just want to have fun etc, so practice your due diligence and don’t make ANY assumptions.

Any Pointers?

Have fun. You have entered a new chapter in the book of your life, so make it worth reading. You should do more things you enjoy doing. Since you no longer have a wife, you no longer have to compromise. Make connections with people who inhabit the spaces you feel are most exhilarating.  Don’t rush! Ten years is a long time and you have probably changed a lot since you got married. You owe yourself and everyone around you the time it takes to fully transform. Go out and do what even makes your heart race. Trust your resilience. People are into all kinds of lifestyles these days, so don’t make ANY assumptions. Disappointments happen and there are some people who suck, but this should be an exciting time. Make the best of it.

About the author

Britt Wiggins is a military brat without a hometown currently residing in Alabama. She is a lover of words and lives life with purposeful instrumentation. Often tempted to lower herself into a squat at the first indication of an orchestral E-Chord progression because she too is taking over for the 99-2000.

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