By Michael Harriot
As we once again enter into a brand new 365 days, many of us are searching for ways we can improve ourselves. Instead of vague “New Year, New Me” memes and impossible-to-achieve goals, NegusWhoRead has compiled a list of 50 resolutions we can all make and actually keep. These are guaranteed to improve your life if you complete them all by December 31st 2015. Here are NegusWhoRead’s 50 Ways to improve your 2017.
1. Write more
2. Fuck him
3. Wear something totally inappropriate.
4. Eat fewer carbs
5. Fuck him
6. Stop worrying about what wypipo think.
7. Whether it’s Ju Jitsu, another language or how to make really good cornbread from scratch–learn something new. Plus you’re too old to still be using Jiffy. You know St. Peter writes that down in the Book of Life, right?
9. Register one person to vote. Make that person do the same.
10. Stop doing shit that doesn’t make you happy
11. Wear that dress
12. Fight harder
13. Do one thing with your friends that 10 years from now you can say, “remember that time we_____?”
14. Learn a new line dance
15. Go 1 month without social media
16. Stop doing shit that doesn’t make you money.
17. Do five push ups every day. Add one more every week.
18. Once this year–no matter how bad your voice–sing in public.
19. Stop acting outraged when a celebrity says something stupid. Did you think Lil’ Wayne had complex nuanced views on the history of oppressed Africans in America and their methods of protest?
20. Choreograph a song. Learn the choreography. Go to a karaoke bar and perform the song with the choreography.
21. Go one full week using your cell as nothing but a telephone. Buy a map to get where you want to go. Use a phone book to find numbers.
22. Drop it low
23.Write down a plan for that thing you want to do
24. Mind your own.
25. Be exceptionally serious about something that doesn’t require that level of seriousness. If your coworker tells you someone left their paper in the copier, squint and whisper to them, “you know this means war, right? I’m gonna need you as my second lieutenant.” Hug them tight, for an uncomfortable period of time, then never mention it again.
26. Read more books.
27. When you see someone in the “ten items or less” line with 13 things, call them out. We have to fight this injustice together.
28. Read a primary source about your history.
29. Start working towards your next degree.
30. Get abs.
31. Never use the word “unapologetically” or “problematic” again.
32. Look at your credit/debit card transactions for last month. Add up the amount of money you could have spent at Black businesses.
33. Do Better.
34. Introduce a teenager or someone in their 20’s to an old school artist. If they like Beyoncé, tell them about Diana Ross. If they like Kendrick Lamar, play some Rakim for them. If they like Young Thug… choke them (not to death, dummy).
35. Contribute to a scholarship fund
36. Fight injustice for real. Not just on social media.
37. Don’t Stop
38. Get it. Get it.
39. Save more.
40. Find out what “dat life” means. Be ’bout it. Email me the specifics, because I want to know, too.
41. Do Da Butt.
42. Trust your instincts.
43. Try it.
44. Go on a date–a real date.
45. Scoop someone from the airport. Pick up a friend when they have a flat tire. When they get in the car, tell them, “You know I’m your ride or die. This means I don’t have to die for you, right?”
46. Do not go to sleep until you find one person to say “I love you” to every day. Mean it.
47. Clear the air of some bullshit between you and a friend.
48. Buy her flowers.
49. Share something from NegusWhoRead
50. Be Dope