NegusWhoRead
Sex & Relationships
Bobblehead Bae and Salvation Granny – The BlackGirlMagic Advice Column

What if Dear Abby was your college professor who “did hair” in her kitchen on weekends while making macaroni and cheese in the oven? That’s BlackGirlMagic, and she’s come to NegusWhoRead to fix the bullshit in your life.

 

My girl just underwent the “big chop” but it looks horrible. She has a large and oddly shaped head with too much forehead that is no longer covered by a bang. She asked me if I liked it, and I told her I loved it. Now she is considering keeping it short. Was I wrong?

- Gerrard T.

You have gotten yourself into quite a pickle. I am sad to say that you are going to have to take this one for the team. Had you built your relationship on brutal honesty your girl might appreciate your insight and you would be writing to me about reaping the rewards of telling her the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It is clear that you and your lady want to make each other feel good, so you are going to keep your negative comments to yourself. “Big chops” aren’t taken lightly, and sometimes  ruin lives. I am pretty sure that prior to her cutting it all off, she initiated conversations about her hair, transitioning, styles, chemicals, etc. If you didn’t seize that moment to put your two cents in, then you are the one to blame for your discomfort. Eventually, she will present her ideas about letting it grow out or trying something new and all you can do is wait until she turns that corner. When the opportunity presents itself you need to make sure that you provide the most enthusiastic support possible every time she even hints at doing something that you would enjoy seeing.

You should also keep in mind that women rarely ask questions when they don’t think they already know the answer. I am sure she has fully embraced her misshapen head and is comfortable with it. You should try and be okay with it as well. If you are taking this relationship to the next level, be aware that her wonky head could impact your future offspring. Please keep these things in mind as you procreate and populate the earth as most children come out baldish.

 

I was raised in a very religious household. As an adult, I have become less religious and an undercover agnostic. Now I am married and although my wife knows, her mother (my mother-in-law) lives with us and helps out a LOT with the children. Here is the problem: She is very religious. She has private bible study with them, she takes them to church and even tells them things like evolution is a hoax. This makes me uncomfortable but she is a great help and she is my wife’s mother. How do I address this situation?

- S.L.T.

You are in very dangerous territory. You are dealing with a something that was set in motion long before you were a twinkle in your momma’s eye. As you embark on a journey to find your existential truth you have undoubtedly found yourself in distressing and unnerving moments. In addition you have to combat the attacks of generally accepted dogma at the hands of your mother-in-law, who is clearly a trusted and valued family member. As frustrated as you are about things that you cannot control and cannot answer you need to understand that in spite of your very religious upbringing, you were present and open enough to see that religion may not serve you in the same capacity that it serves others. You were comfortable in questioning its truth. These are the things you impart on your children. As much as we would all like to believe that we can control all of the decisions that our children make in the future we are really just training them to exercise deductive reasoning. Ultimately they (just like we) will have to choose the best course of action. Most importantly, you are THEIR FATHER *James Earl Jones voice* and you can be the voice of reason that teaches your children to be open, to learn and that there is very little in the world that is absolute truth. We all have the responsibility to continually seek the truth to our best abilities.

If you decide to confront this head-on,  you and your wife must be a united force when you initiate this discussion with your mother-in-law. I am sure by now you have experienced what happens when a mother feels that she needs to support her daughter. They become like a WWE tag team and will pile drive you into the ground and laugh at you when all is done. Talk to your wife and see how she feels about private church lessons. How does your wife feel about your recent revelations? Does she share the same ideas? Is she also threatened by the church services?  Ask these questions with the understanding that if you paid someone to help take care of your kids you could fire them, if your mother-in-law didn’t live with you her influence wouldn’t be as impressionable and if you are that concerned about the mental well-being of your children that you should probably think about restructuring your life to better accommodate the stimuli that you find suitable for consumption by your kids.

Do you Disagree with the Magic Black Girl’s advice?
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Hit up the comments section to discuss this even further, and tweet your questions to @NegusWhoRead  with the hashtag #BlackGirlMagic

About the author

Britt Wiggins is a military brat without a hometown currently residing in Alabama. She is a lover of words and lives life with purposeful instrumentation. Often tempted to lower herself into a squat at the first indication of an orchestral E-Chord progression because she too is taking over for the 99-2000.

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