NegusWhoRead
Humor
A Complete Inventory of the Contents in the Basket Of Deplorables

By Michael Harriot

With our stunning negro cunning, NegusWhoRead’s incredible staff of investigative reporters managed to access the much-talked about “basket of deplorables.”  We provide for you (ant no extra cost) a complete listing:

  • The bastards who get in the “10 items or less line” with 14 things
  • Omarosa
  • The lames mad at #TeacherBae for wearing that dress to work
  • The “friends” and “family” members who saw #Teacherbae in that dress and didn’t say “you’re wearing that to work?”
  • Any human being upset by a “microagression”
  • Bartenders who give you the EXACT pour
  • Robert Griffin, III’s friends who haven’t told him to let those braids go
  • People who put sugar on grits
  • Anyone who calls that new dance everyone is doing  in videos “the Running Man”
  • People who buy baby Jordans
  • SideHoteps (n.) – dudes who talk about African consciousness, mind/body/spirit and Respect for womanhood… and then go home and smack their white girlfriends when she doesn’t fry the pork chops right
  • Pumpkin spice latte drinkers
  • White people who don’t wear shoes in public
  • Men who refer to women as “bitches and hoes”
  • Bitches
  • Hoes
  • Banks that charge a fee to get YOUR money from an out-of-network ATM
  • The despicable human beings who get “creative” with recipes for sweet potato pie
  • The smokers who smoke Newports but never have Newports
  • The lowlifes who slow down to change lanes
  • David Duke
  • Anyone worried about anyone else’s “edges”
  • The mustache of the Black Sheriff who is always Fox News bashing Black Lives Matter. He’s just deplorable, but his”Just For Men” game is pretty strong
  • Women who think anyone gives a fuck about how long it’s been since they started their “Natural Hair Journey.”
  • Any man over 30 wearing skinny jeans
  • These motherfuckers
  •  2015-10-11t16-39-38-233z-1280x720-video_770x443
  • Panty lines
  • The phrase “but what about black-on-black crime?”
  • Any black person committing a crime against another Black person
  • People who fry chicken in fish grease
  • Anyone mad someone for “disrespecting” an inanimate object
  • Police departments who make funny viral videos
  • Anti-marijuana activists
  • Marijuana activists
  • Michael Rappaport
  • The person who said “nah, Steph. Those sneakers are gonna be “fiyahhh!
  • Stacey Dash
  • Fuckboys
  • Bitch niggas
  • 50 Cent–wait, I already said “bitch niggas”
  • Whoever keeps giving future Propophol before he goes in the studio
  • Anyone who uses the word “problematic.”
  • People who go to Krispy Kreme and orders anything other than original glazed
  • Life coaches
  • Vegans who keep reminding you they’re vegan and how humans weren’t meant to eat meat, and how unhealthy animal flesh is, and… Pretty much all vegans.
  • Ann Coulter
  • The Deacon boards at the churches Donald Trump visits. I can understand the pastor wanting some shine, but y’all???”
  • Black people who let their white friends say “nigga.”
  • White people who think they can say “nigga”
  • Hispanic people who think they can say “nigga”
  • White Lives
  • Blue Lives
  • All Lives
  • Ryan Lochte’s drinking buddies (y’all were supposed to take one for the team)
  • Ryan Lochte’s detractors who act like they’ve never been drunk and had to pee.
  • Anyone in a North Carolina bathroom worried about the biological anatomy of the other people in the bathroom
  • People who buy wings from McDonalds
  • People who buy Hot Dogs from Burger King
  • The bastards who talk on their cell’s speakerphone in public
  • Anyone who needs “safe spaces”
  • Whoever invented Fruit Punch Oreos
  • Pastors in Churches with ATMS in the lobby
  • Rachel Dolezal
  • People who overuse the “crying laughing” emoji. I’m slightly amusing. Stop it.
  • Every single person who has ever been in front of me in the left turn lane
  • New Niggas
  • “No show” ankle socks that show
  • Rape apologists
  • People who use the phrase “rape culture”
  • Rapists
  • Twitter beefers
  • People so afraid of Muslims and Mexicans they want to make new laws and build a new wall to keep them out.
  • People so afraid of “superpredators” they want to make new laws and build new prisons to put them in
  • Anyone in the audience at a Trump Rally
  • Anyone in the audience at a Clinton Rally
  • Hilary Clinton
  • Donald Trump

About the author

Michael Harriot is a renowned spoken word poet, the host of The Black One podcast and the editor-in-chief of NegusWhoRead. He is perpetually just getting warmed up because he has no chill. He is on Instagram and twitter as @michaelharriot

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