NegusWhoRead
Politics & Race
Everything You Wanted To Know About Steve Harvey’s Meeting With Trump But Were Afraid To Ask

In the wake of Steve Harvey’s visit with Donald Trump and Dr. Ben Carson, there are many unanswered questions. To help our readers gain perspective, NegusWhoRead is here to explain everything you need to know about the Steve Harvey/Donald Trump meeting.

Who is Steve Harvey?

Steve Harvey is a mustache.

Just a mustache?

You’d be surprised at what a mustache can do. Facial hair is very powerful. James Harden’s beard scores 7.2 points per game and Cam Newton’s blonde goatee has it’s Associate’s degree in nail technology.

Steve Harvey’s mustache exploded onto the comedy scene in the late 80’s and eventually became one of the biggest stand-up acts in the country. The mustache was the third-funniest King of Comedy (which technically makes it a Duke, or Viceroy, I think) and currently hosts a talk show and Family Feud. Although he has married three times, Steve Harvey also wrote a best-selling book “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”

What was the book about?

Shit. Some people will purchase any eighth-grade level gobbledygook if you package and sell the snake oil right. There is always a con man willing to take advantage of people who aren’t smart enough to know better.

Who is Donald Trump?

Don’t be stupid, homey. You know who Donald Trump is. You know I get worked up about that motherfucker.

But I thought this was supposed to be “Everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask…” So you’re telling me not to ask?

Okay. Since you asked:

Donald Trump is a bloviating, vindictive dingleberry with a face that looks like Dick Cheney’s flaccid, uncircumcised penis dipped in Thousand Island Dressing. He is the de facto Grad Dragon of all White people and the poster boy for white, male privilege. Even though he has the temperament of a petulant chihuahua and the IQ of a Gracile Chimpanzee, he somehow managed to get himself elected President.

How did he do that?

White people.

All White people?

Did I say, “all” nigga? Nothing is ever “all.” When I say the Packers beat the Cowboys, I know all everybody on the squad didn’t play. I mean the team White people. There will be some White people who jump into  the comment section after reading this and say “I didn’t vote for Trump,” because you know Wypipo can’t stand to be left out of a conversation. White privilege doesn’t come with a “sit-down-and-be-quiet-if-he’s-not-talking-about-me” gene. They believe they should have a say in everything. Even on a site for, by and about Black people. Even though they say Muslims have to help fight radical Islam and the “Black community” needs to do something about Black on Black Crime, their privilege endows them with the ability to throw their hands in the air and say “not me” when it comes to discrimination, racism or the fact that most of them voted for Donald Trump. Their uncles, cousins, brothers and friends voted for him and his racist xenophobia. They’re all at fault.

What does this have to do with Donald Trump?

I’m glad you asked. Do you see how I unfairly lumped all White people together in the previous paragraph? Even if that is my personal perspective and how I view Wypipo, it is stupid to lump a group of people together like that. It doesn’t solve any problems and is counterproductive.

However, Donald Trump used the same logic I used in the previous paragraph to tap Ben Carson for a cabinet-level position as head of Housing and Urban Development.

Why?

Because it has the word “urban” in it, which has become a euphemism for “Black.” Well, Donald Trump only knows 4 Black people: Ben Carson, Omarosa, Don King, and that Black preacher with the Jermaine Jackson slicked-down hair who’s always in the background of every picture.

In Donald Trump’s mind, “Housing and Urban Development” means “inner cities,” which translates to “poor Blacks. There is a large percentage of White people who think Black people do is smoke blunts in grape swishers, ride shotgun in drive-bys and argue about which one is the Big Joker (The one that says “Guaranteed”). Therefore he placed someone in charge who’s Black and used to be poor.

What does this have to do with Steve Harvey?

Because neither Ben Carson or Donald Trump know what the fuck they are doing. Even though Trump must know thousands of experts on building, home lending and infrastructure, they decided to call on Steve Harvey to help.

Why?

Because Donald Trump doesn’t give a fuck about Black people. Trump is a businessman who promised that he would put business leaders with real plans in charge of fixing America. Regardless of how you may feel about this, people voted for it. To handle foreign policy, he tapped the CEO of one of the largest and most successful companies in America who has met with foreign leaders around the globe. To handle monetary policy he selected Steven Mnunchin, a Goldman Sachs executive who rescued two ailed banks and made them profitable.

To handle the complex problems of poor inner cities, housing costs, financing and , he hired a nigga who has no experience in anything but dick-stabbing and baby medicine.

What does this have to do with Steve Harvey?

Because the original person who didn’t have a clue called another nigga without a clue–Steve Harvey. Not even the mustache, but the whole nigga!

But I have seen some people who said they are glad Steve Harvey went to the meeting, because at least we have a voice at the table. Are those people stupid?

Not necessarily. Black people have been fucked over so hard, for so long that we are sometimes willing to accept leftover scraps and make it into a meal. It’s a mixture of desperation, resourcefulness and low self-esteem. It’s why we think chitlins are a delicacy. It’s why we will take relationship advice from someone who has failed at it more times than we have. It’s why we will accept that someone with no training, expertise or research in an area will represent us and help fix our problems when there are literally thousands of sociologists, anthropologists and professionals who can actually tell you what is wrong with inner cities and how to fix them.

It’s also why hucksters like Steve Harvey can hide behind the bullshit and fake smile and we will keep supporting them and allowing them to siphon money and goodwill from our community without accountability. It’s the same reason we have endowed the title of “psychologist” or “expert” on  flimflammers like Dr. Umar Johnson with no verifiable education, degree or certification–just slick-tongued charisma and low-information sycophants who swear by the empty words.. It’s why bloodsucking leeches don’t need feet–because they will drain whatever is close by without hesitation or regret.

Neither Steve Harvey, Ben Carson or Donald Trump have the “inner city” or Black people’s best interest in mind. To be fair, I don’t know what is wrong with America’s inner cities either. I think I have some ideas, but I grew up in a small town in South Carolina, and none of my degrees or training is in anything that would make me an expert.

That’s also why I don’t go to meeting about fixing inner cities.

If the President of the United States called me to talk about fixing the inner cities, I’d have two choices:

Say “No thank you” to being used as a pawn for the fecklessness of Donald Trump’s “fuck niggers” agenda in a meeting, sitting at the figurative table next with Steve Bannon, who believes Black people are genetically inferior.

Or go get the accolades, press coverage and ego-boosting adrenaline rush that comes from sitting in a room with the most powerful man on the planet.

I don’t even blame Donald Trump. Dumb Wypipo do shit like this all the time. They think Black people know everything about “the hood” or anything “ghetto.” I’m just tired of stepinfetchit motherfuckers acquiescing to the racist ideas and selling us down the river for a few more minutes of shine. If Martin Luther King, Jr. was alive he’d slap the taste out of his son’s mouth for meeting with Trump and equivocating publicly about the shade he threw at John Lewis yesterday.

Steve Harvey is not stupid. He knows he took that minuscule opportunity away from specialists who could’ve held a real, meaningful dialogue that affects change. The toxic narcissism that allows someone with no background in sociology to think they can fix a national problem is the same poison that makes a serial philanderer sell trite, watered-down relationship advice to women dying of thirst. As long as Black people refuse to hold vampires like this accountable, as they drain millions of dollars from our bankrolls $9.99 at a time, people like Donald Trump will continue to throw crumbs at us instead of fixing the problem.

But his mustache looked nice.

 

About the author

Michael Harriot is a renowned spoken word poet, the host of The Black One podcast and the editor-in-chief of NegusWhoRead. He is perpetually just getting warmed up because he has no chill. He is on Instagram and twitter as @michaelharriot

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