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Hey Fam, Can We Talk About The Ciara Pregnancy Photos?

There are times when Black America must come together, unite as a people and discuss the relevant issues of our day. On NegusWhoRead we often discuss racism, oppression, inequality and weightier topics, but today we need to sit down and take a moment to address the Ciara photos.

A few days ago, reality star Ciara went full Beyoncé and posted pregnancy photos of herself on twitter (come on, I’m not going to call her a “singer” and if you have a problem with that, please attach your comment to a picture of yourself holding  the last Ciara CD you bought. What? I thought not).

Anyway, I had a few questions for us to discuss amongst ourselves about this entire incident:

1. Why, though? What is the deal with the celebrity pregnancy photo shoot? Where did this come from? Did they think we didn’t believe them when they announced their pregnancy? No one thought Beyoncé was sitting at home eating Krispy Kremes and Cool Ranch Doritos until we saw her with the mosquito net draped over her head. When Ciara let the world know she was pregnant, no one said, “that bitch lying!”

Look, pregnancy is a beautiful, wonderful miracle, but literally everyone on earth has participated in the pregnancy experience. It’s not new or exciting. If I took a picture every time I dookeyed and posted it on Instagram, y’all would call me nasty. You know why? Because it’s a personal issue. Even when there were rumors that Blue Ivy was carried by a surrogate, I didn’t give a fuck. I bet every woman reading this–given the choice–would choose to have a surrogate carry the baby instead of pushing out a watermelon through a straw.

2. Is Russell Wilson “whipped?”  A man is supposed to love his woman unconditionally, and I’m not talking about toxic standards of masculinity or the perception that a man can’t take care of another man’s kids, but look–it’s March. This is the best time for the NBA and college basketball. The Walking Dead  is back and there is something good on TV every night. If my wife came to me in the million dollar mansion I paid for, while I was sitting in front of my tv watching Being Mary Jane (I assume that’s what Russell watches) and told me to shave, take a shower and put on some clothes, the first thing I’d ask is “where are we going? I would assume we were going to someplace good like a Hollywood party or to a doctors appointment.

If she responded that “oh, we’re going to get naked and take some pictures with the baby,” I’d probably laugh at first. But say, after an hour, an hour and a half, when I stopped laughing, and realized she wasn’t kidding, I’d look her in the eye and say “hell no.”

Now that I think about it, how do we know that’s Russell Wilson? His face is so hidden that either he’s eating Ciara’s booty, or that’s Alphonso Ribero standing in for Russell.

3. Why, though? Why aren’t they wearing any clothes? Lokk, I get it. Our society is too hung up on nudity, and the human body is a beautiful thing. So why is she covering her breasts (initially I asked why she wasn’t covering her “tittes,” but I realized that a titty filled with milk is called a “breast”)? Also, why is she wearing panties if the human body is so beautiful? And what about the photoshopping away of the stretch marks?

And pelase don’t get all progressive on me and act like I’m the prude. I’m not. Have you ever searched the internet for Ciara nude photos? I have and trust me, she hasn’t…

You know what? Maybe I’ve said too much.

4. Does Future know about this? That’s probably why Russell made sure his hands weren’t touching Future’s son in the pic. I know this sounds misogynistic, but I bet y’all would call Future all kind of “fuckboys” if he posted a photo of himself and a big booty stripper holding his son on snapchat.

I feel like Ciara probably called Future, and informed him about the nude photo shoot, and he said “Aw hell naw, shawty! You bet not have my son on twitter nekkind and shit. I’ll come up there and murk everybody!”

But you know Future just mumbles incoherently, so Ciara thought he gave her the ok and hung up the phone.

5. Why tho? Why didn’t she just wear a thong? Why is it in Harper’s Bazar? Do any of the white women who read Harper’s Bazar know who the hell Ciara is? Does Russell Wilson have on underwear? Does this come in a wallet size? Did Wilson say “you gotta be fucking kidding me?” Why is Russell have more baby hair than the baby? Is this unborn child the light-skinned messiah that we have been waiting for?

So many questions…

 

About the author

Michael Harriot is a renowned spoken word poet, the host of The Black One podcast and the editor-in-chief of NegusWhoRead. He is perpetually just getting warmed up because he has no chill. He is on Instagram and twitter as @michaelharriot

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