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Melania Trump’s Other Speeches

By Michael Harriot

We ain’t through with Melania yet.

In light of Melania Trump’s P. Diddy remix of Michelle Obama’s speech from the 2008 Democratic National Convention and the revelations that the education in her biography is a lie, a crack team of researchers, investigators and nosey-ass neighbors has uncovered excerpts from other speeches that Mrs. Trump may have used other people’s words.

In 2006 Melania spoke to a woman’s group about her rise to the top of the fashion world:

“It’s been a long time. I shouldn’t have left you without a good speech to step to. When I think of how many weak addresses you slept through… times up–sorry I kept you. Ladies and Gentlemen I am here to talk to you about something very important today, but I need everyone to stop, collaborate and listen. I was born by a river, in a little tent, and just like the river, I’ve been running ever since. In the country where I grew up, women were treated as second class citizens. In fact, my grandfather used to tell me that bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks. There is an old saying in my country that loosely translates as “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.” But I refused to adhere to those principles. Every night before I went to sleep I would read the Bible verse from the book of Luke that says, “Don’t stop, get it, get it.” I guess you can say I started from the bottom, now I’m here. Look at me now, I’m getting paperrr. All I do is win, win no matter what. I have money on my mind and I could never get enough. Even when I walk into the building everybody’s hands go up, and they stay there…

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they stay there.”

When speaking to the American Society of Entrepreneurs, Melania elaborated on how she made her money:

“I was poor. We spent all day looking out of the window, watching the asphalt roll, thinking how it all looked hand-me-down. We learned about keeping our heads above water and making a way when we can, through temporary layoffs and easy credit ripoffs. Everything started with my father, Jed, who was a poor mountaineer who barely kept his family fed. But then, one day when he was shooting at some food, up through the ground came some bubbling crude… oil that is. So we moved on up to the East Side to a deluxe apartment in the sky. Yes, when we moved into Trump Towers, the only thing I thought was:

We finally got a piece of the pie.”

In 2012 Melania spoke to a group of new citizens on her history as a new immigrant to this country.

“I came to this country as a member of the Royal family of the small African country of Zamunda. I came here with nothing and began working at a small restaurant called McDowell’s. But one day, I was sitting at home with my friend Smokey, and I got the call that I had been terminated. Yes, I was fired on my day off. But I didn’t let that stop me. After I smoked some weed and fought Deebo, I got four of my best friends together and we started traveling the America performing our hit song “I Got Nothing But Love For You, Baby.” We were quite a hit, until our lead singer, Eddie Cain Jr became addicted to drugs. That’s when I left the group and Married Donald, but sometimes I sit back and hum our old tunes, and reminisce about the promise of America. And forever, I will always believe:

Can’t nobody sing like Eddie Cain Jr.”

Last year, Melania spoke at the Black Lives Matter Rally in Newark NJ. Here is an excerpt from that speech.

“A man must have a code. No doubt. I know these punk po-lice outchea puttin targets on our backs, but looka here. You come at the king, you best not miss.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeint… it don’t matter who did what to who at this point. Fact is, we went to war, and now there ain’t no going back. I mean, shit, it’s what war is, you know? Once you in it, you in it. If it’s a lie, then we fight on that lie. But we gotta fight. And I only have one more thing to say…

Oh shit, Omar coming!”

About the author

Michael Harriot is a renowned spoken word poet, the host of The Black One podcast and the editor-in-chief of NegusWhoRead. He is perpetually just getting warmed up because he has no chill. He is on Instagram and twitter as @michaelharriot

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