Dear Sage Steele
It is with much sadness and regret that we inform you that yesterday, during a meeting of the president, general manager and a cross-section of the stockholders, members and supporters of black America, we decided to terminate your contract and waive all rights to you–ending your tenure with #TeamBlackPeople, effective immediately. When we picked you up in the supplemental racial draft, even though you were a late-round pick, we thought you’d be with the team for years to come.
Apparently we were wrong.
Look, it just wasn’t working out. Some fans and vocal members of the team wanted to trade you a long time ago. When you took your “all lives matter” stance against Mike Evan’s decision to join Colin Kaepernick’s national anthem protest, there were many calls for us to “kick her narrow ass off the team,” but we resisted. We know our fan base can sometimes get a little emotional about issues of race, so we tried to see how you’d respond. After you posted some equivocating gibberish on Facebook about diversity, we still held our positions. We’ve had a lot of people who were a little misguided about race before, who later came around.
Even after you went on Twitter to complain about how you were inconvenienced by flight delays during the protests against Trump’s Muslim Ban, we still had faith in you. Not in your intellect or common sense–because it was obvious that you don’t understand how protests work–but I didn’t even know black women (excuse me–biracial women) could cry white tears. You learn something new every day.
Or maybe you’re smarter than all of us, and we don’t understand. Maybe we missed the part in our history books where Rosa Parks moved to the back and said, “I just don’t want to make the bus late.” Maybe we overlooked how Martin Luther King scheduled all the civil rights marches during times when they wouldn’t obstruct traffic or how the sit-ins didn’t occur during the peak hours at the lunch counters.
Yet we persisted.
But yesterday was our last straw.
When you spouted that nonsense that the worst racism you ever encountered came from black people, we knew we were done. You are too far gone for us to even think about saving, but before we kick you out of #TeamBlackPeople facilities, we have a few things we’d like to point out that might help you on whomever’s team you land with:
- Maybe you should stop using your biracial status so much Every time one of your asinine positions on race eeks out of your rancid mouth, you preface it with “as a biracial woman…” Why do you do this? Why must you constantly proclaim your percentage of whiteness, as if it is what validates you? I know many thinkpiece writers will tell you that “the world sees you as Black,” so I won’t I’ll just say that it is interesting how fervently you point out that you are something other than lack. It is indicative of how you view your own blackness–as a mixture, or only part of what you are, instead of who you are.
- You know you can just shut-the-fuck-up, right? Simply being quiet is always an option. I know your c-list celebrity status can sometimes go to your head, but trust me–no one is out here pondering the complex issues of race, protest and culture in America, thinking, I wonder what the lady who narrates bowling highlights on Sportscenter thinks about this?” No one is checking for Sage Steele when trying to solve the race problem. Shutting the fuck up is a lost art I have been trying to resurrect amongst celebrities for ages.
- You can’t have it both ways You can’t speak your mind vacillating on the fence about race, equality and protest, and then complain when you get pushback. You can’t talk about respecting diversity of opinion, and then get offended when people say yours is stupid. Most of all–you don’t get to call any of that racism. Black people calling you an ignorant apologist isn’t racism. People who don’t like your apologetic-for-being-half-black attitude and then call you out for it aren’t being racist. They don’t dislike Black people for no reason. They dislike Sage Steele. And with reason.
I don’t expect you to take any of these things to heart. I just want to thank you for your years of half-service and wish you well with your next team. We hope you don’t take this personal, but after Raven Symone, Ben Carson and too many others to name, we are tired of negroes who perpetually contort themselves so they can always end up on the side of Whiteness. We can’t do it anymore.
I’ve heard Team Wypipo might have an opening. They called a few months ago about a trade for Rachel Dolezal, but we declined.
Good luck with all your future endeavors.