NegusWhoRead
Entertainment & Culture
The 2016 List of Lying-Ass White People

By Michael Harriot

The first thing you should know about this list is that there will be some people who read it and say “wow, that’s racist.”

The second thing you should know is that I don’t care.

Every time the words “White people” are used on this site, the comment section fills with accusations of reverse racism, because White people are fragile. They will skip over the 2,102 pieces that are critical of Black people (like the List of Black People We Don’t Fuck With) or the examples of humor that praise our White counterparts (like the White People in the Black People Hall of Fame). We live in a world that uses euphemisms like “underprivileged” and “inner city” to criticize Black people as having a “gimme culture” that doesn’t “focus on education.”

White privilege has so softened their ability to take criticism or a joke that they scream “reverse racism” every time they are harshly mentioned or are left out of a conversation.

Here’s a secret:

The entire key to NegusWhoRead’s approach to humor is that we discuss the larger, White culture in the exact same way that mainstream America talks about Black America, as if Black people were the majority and White America was the poor, misunderstood, vilified underclass. If it seems like a racist inside joke to some people, my only response is:

“Well, duhhhh!”

Melania Trump – It has been less than 24 hours since Melania stole the words out of Michelle Obama’s mouth. This is the same Michelle that her supporters vilify as the unintelligent, gorilla-like beneficiary of affirmative action (that’s the only way she became an Ivy League lawyer, right?).

Not only did Melania–whose name sounds like a terrible disease you catch while visiting a 3rd-world country (I once visited Serbia and concocted a terrible case of Melania. I had the shits for three days!) steal directly from Michelle Obama’s 2008 Democratic Convention speech, but hours before, she was caught on tape saying she wrote the speech herself, with a little bit of help. What’s shocking to me is that anyone thought a woman who made money because she had a desirable hip-to-titty ratio, could string together a coherent group of words without stealing them from someone else. She probably cheated off her neighbor’s paper on her citizenship test. I’ll bet that if you asked Melania who Thomas Jefferson is, she’d tell you he owned a chain of dry cleaners, married a woman named “Weezy,”  had a son named Lionel and a maid named Florence.

Police – There is a reluctance to talk about Police brutality in harsh tones because of the deaths in Dallas and Baton Rouge. While tragic, those deaths don’t excuse the  fact that Black people have experienced the same misfortune, except ours quadruple the numbers of police officers shot by civiliansBut this is not about police brutality. You know what always perplexed me?

Why doesn’t anyone ever talk about the criminal, insane code of silence that perpetuates police brutality?

It seems like we forgot that a police officer on the scene signed off on the police report that said Walter Scott reached for the cop’s taser, before anyone knew of the existence of a cell phone video. Even after they hid the video for a year, we seem to conveniently forget the cops who were on the scene when Laquan McDonald was shot 16 times, but said nothing.

The refrain of “not all cops are bad” would be easier to believe if the rank and file didn’t protect the rogue officers like the dudes with clipboards and sunglasses at every nightclub in America. Lying ass liars.

Taylor Swift – I’ll have to admit, when I heard that Taylor Swift lied on Kanye about something or other (I’m a grown ass man with 17 jobs, none of which consists of following the shenanigans of pop stars), I was shocked. Not because I think she has some unassailable halo  of honesty, I just never believed Taylor Swift was real.

I mean, I’ve heard of Taylor Swift, like I’ve heard of Santa Claus, Bigfoot or white people who use seasoning, but I never believed she actually existed. I even know some people who took their children to a Taylor Swift concert, but when they showed me the grainy pictures from that night, I secretly laughed at them for being bamboozled into thinking that was a real person instead of a cardboard cutout. I mean, nobody’s ass is that flat.

But apparently she is real, and even though I am not a Kanye stan, I would have believed him over Taylor Swift because she looks like she will lie. Taylor Swift is the prototype for the victimized White woman who throws black people under the bus. She looks like the woman who told the bus driver Rosa Parks was in her seat or reported that Emmit Till looked at her butt and whistled.

Hillary Clinton – I’m not even talking about Benghazi. Or how she deleted her emails like a cheating husband when his wife asks to see his phone. Or how she took money from the foreign governments who were looking for favors from the U.S. Or when she called Black men “Superpredators” so her husband could align himself with Republican thinking. Or how she casually forgets to mention how many brown faces the Clinton Crime Bill locked up. Or how she wanted to build a wall on the Mexican border before Trump. Or how she is partly responsible for the mandatory minimums that were found unconstitutional because they resulted in harsher sentences for Black inmates. Or how she won’t release the transcripts of her closed-door speeches to the companies that bilked Americans out of billions and tore the economy apart–which resulted in a higher foreclosure rate and unemployment rate for Black America.

No, I’m talking about all of that. Donald Trump might be a lying ass racist, but to excuse Hillary Clinton from the same moniker just because she shakes a few Negro hands and dresses like a Pentecostal deacon on first Sunday is testament to the thoroughness of the brainwashing that Democratic Party has done on Black people. She’s no better than Donald Trump.

Like the great orator Melania Trump once said:

“I’m for the truth no matter who says it. I’m for justice, no matter who it’s for or against.”

…Or maybe that was Malcolm X.

Either one.

Honorable Mentions

Jack Daniels Distillery
Justin Timberlake
Blake Lively
The Shake Weight people
Fox News

 

About the author

Michael Harriot is a renowned spoken word poet, the host of The Black One podcast and the editor-in-chief of NegusWhoRead. He is perpetually just getting warmed up because he has no chill. He is on Instagram and twitter as @michaelharriot

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