The Caucasian’s Guide to Black Barbecues

As interracial dating, integration and cross-cultural friendships increase, many people find themselves attending events in which they are the minority, and have no frame of reference from which to base their etiquette.  In an effort to help bridge the cultural gaps we all have to traverse at some point, I have created a few rules for all my Caucasian friends who might find themselves at a black cookout:

1. You gotta bring something: One time, I went to a co-worker named Tom’s barbecue and brought a pasta salad. He looked at me like I had shit in the middle of his living room.

At a black cookout (yes, if there’s more than 7 black people there, the name automatically changes from “barbecue” to a “cookout”) only the meat and the grill is supplied by the host. Everything else is brought by attendees – and no, this is not “potluck.” Black people don’t do potluck. You either show up with a dish or they’re gonna look at you funny. And please don’t try no new shit like potato salad with raisins or vegetarian shish kabobs. If you can’t cook, or you don’t have all the required black seasonings, just bring some cups and napkins. Or LOTS of aluminum foil. I don’t know what the hell black people do with all the aluminum foil at cookouts, but they ALWAYS need more. I have long suspected that black cookouts were ploys by hosts to get free aluminum foil. In any case, you are expected to bring something.

2. It’s a cookOUT. Black people’s cookout are outside. At the previously mentioned Tom’s barbecue, everyone mingled in his living room. I was nervous as fuck because for the first hour, all I could think was:

“These motherfuckers are about to have an intervention on me.”

You don’t go into the house unless you have to pee, which means there a few things you should bring:
A chair
Bug spray
Another chair (because someone is gonna sit in your first chair when you go pee.)

3. Don’t arrive on time. If they say they’re going to start around 3, that means you can arrive around 4:47. CP time is a very complicated algorithm to figure out, but the published start time at a Black BBQ is the time when they start thinking about preparing to get ready to almost light the grill.

4. Learn how to do the “Wobble.” Then consult a local ballerina/choreographer to add your own variation to one of the moves. I don’t do line dances, but I’ve noticed that white people feel SO included if they know how to do them. I believe line dances should be used by the United Nations to prevent war. You can’t be THAT mad when you’re adding your spin shimmy kick to the Cupid Shuffle.

5. Make friends. Here is a FOOLPROOF method to making a new black friend at the cookout:

A. Bring a bottle of dark liquor.
B. Keep it in the trunk of your car.
C. SOMEONE (usually Tasha’s new boyfriend) is gonna ask “way da liquor at.”
D. Wait (I know you’ll want to rush up to him or say something, but ignore your white people timing instincts just this one time.)
E. When he changes the subject, walk over to him and say “walk to my car with me.” He’ll know what you mean.
F. When you pop that trunk, you’ll have a friend for life.

6. DO NOT PLAY SPADES. Even if your black friend tries to teach you how to play. They gon’ get you FUCKED UP. No matter what you do, don’t get on the spades table talking bout you “learned” how to play. You do not learn how to play Spades. Black people just know. Like we just know how to do the electric slide or get diabetes.

Plus, if you mess around and renege, your partner is gonna give you the side-eye all night when they take those three books.

Plus, you might get in your feelings over the shit talking, because James is gonna call you a bitch. He always does that.

Plus, if your spades game is weak no one is gonna want to be your friend…

Not even Tasha’s boyfriend.

7. Park down the street. Trust me, you don’t want to have to wait for someone to move their car so you can get out.

Especially after your bitch ass let James them run a Boston on you (See. I bet that offended you and you probably don’t know what it means. That’s why you shouldn’t play spades.)

8. Don’t worry about the drunk uncle. You know how at White people’s Thanksgiving, there’s always that ONE drunk uncle? (Yes, there is a white Thanksgiving and a Black Thanksgiving. White people’s Thanksgiving has Pumpkin Pie and wine. Black Thanksgiving has pound cake and Crown Royal.)

Anyway… at black cookouts ALL our uncles are the drunk uncle. Except uncle Jerome — who is saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost. Uncle Jerome is starting a new ministry that confronts the evil of drugs and alcohol.

But if you take him to your trunk he’ll have a nip.

9. For Domino advice, please refer to rule number 6.  You know what I said about Spades? The same goes for dominoes. It’s like Spades with math. Most black people don’t even play dominoes as well as they think they do. And the shit-talking factor is even higher. James is gonna call your mama a bitch.

He always does that.

10. Listen As the evening progresses and the alcohol flows, it becomes more dangerous to be at a black cookout. Now, I know that white people get drunk and fight too, (probably more than we do) but here’s the difference:

Black people can fight.

There is, however, a very simple and effective way to know when a black cookout is getting dangerous:

The music

Music is not just entertainment at these gatherings, it is like the terror alert warning system. The intensity of the music is inversely proportional to the danger it represents. Here are the black cookout music alert warning indicators:

1. Pop/current music – if you hear The Weekend, 2Chainz or Fetty Wap you’re pretty safe. That means the kids are around, and everything’s cool.

2. Old school R&B: when Al Green or Parliament is playing, everything should be ok. Everyone is getting lubed up, eating, and Tasha’s boyfriend has been waiting on you by your car.

3. Old school hip hop: Now only the guys are left. Only the drunk ones. They’re arguing about whether Rakim was better than Tupac, while uncle Jerome is talking about Kool Moe Dee being the G.O.A.T. – Shit is getting sketchy. You better get ready because it’s gonna jump off soon. The spades table is pumping, the dominoes are being slammed down, and then you lock eyes with one guy and you can tell he’s thinking

“If James call my mama a bitch ONE MO TIME…”

Man, just start getting your stuff together and making your way to the car.

4. Gospel Music – if you hear “we fall down, but we get up”…run motherfucker. Get the fuck out of there. Leave those camp chairs, and tell Tasha’s boyfriend to get the fuck away from your car with that screwdriver trying to break into your trunk.

Aren’t you glad I told you to park down the street?


About the author

Michael Harriot is a renowned spoken word poet, the host of The Black One podcast and the editor-in-chief of NegusWhoRead. He is perpetually just getting warmed up because he has no chill. He is on Instagram and twitter as @michaelharriot

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  • Sistar Shannon

    The absolute truth in black&white (no pun intended)! You are the man! 🙂

    • Alcina Chambers

      Hilarious…it’s 9a.m and I’m sitting here cracking up!!
      Crazy thing this is so on point

      • honeecone30

        Omg!!! I got the hiccups laughing so hard…too funny?

    • Gary

      ??? I’m holding back tears reading this at work!

    • vicky

      *checks skin tone, still pasty white* holy shit. Somehow i was raised to have a “black cookout”… lol except the spades and the booze in the trunk. We play board games and the booze is in clearly marked icefilled coolers. But the rest is spot on. Lol. Come on over!

      • CandlePin

        Replace Spades with Euchre, and you got yourself a country white cookout.

    • That is hilarious & very True!!!

    • brother Lloyd Holley

      As the on laugh in used to say.Very

      • brother Lloyd Holley

        As the guy on the TV show Laugh in used to say Very interesting.

    • Candace Foster

      My outburst at the office drew alot of attention. Thanks for this hilarious take on the Black Cookout.

    • Absofuckingloutely…..lmmfao

    • Mo

      Absolutely hilarious….

    • Deb

      So on point. I laughed so hard I cried my contact lens out of my eye. Love,love, love it!

    • Alma

      Baaaahhhaaaaaa!!! W E A K!! DONE!! Hands down one of my all time favorite posts! You are a genius…comedian extraordinaire! Thanks so much for the bust out loud, side splitting, hilarious “guide”!! You crushed it!!

    • T-

      This made me chuckle.. a lot!

    • Dee

      Spades!?? Only novices play spades! The game at a cookout is bid whist! Rise and fly – 7 no trump! Tricks are for kids and so is spades!

    • Robin

      This is So damn funny ?!

  • I drove a cab for a few years if you did not learn how to play dominoes… you learned quickly

    • Cheryl

      That was hilarious and so true.

  • Ingrid

    That is funny as hell but not all Black BBQs and Cookouts go down as described.
    There’s Black Southern, Black Northern, Ghetto Black and West Indian Black BBQs…lmaoff!!
    Trust there is a difference at each….
    But I must say, don’t come empty handed to none…you will not only get the side eye, you’lol never be allowed to ever come back.

    • Whatever!

      Exactly! And I went to three of the four this past weekend!

    • kathy

      So true. I was raised down south but spent a lot of time up north and we had some island friends and some black Puerto Rican friends who lived up north. 3 distinctly different cookouts. Lots of similarities across the board. Good times…

    • Jackie Gorham

      This has to be THEE funniest thing I’ve read ALL DAY…all of which are true. Please write a book Micheal Harriot and fill my long days with laughter!!!

    • Mel

      Sounds black northern to me lol

  • Oh god, I’m crying. I was at cookouts a lot as a kid, when I lived in west Rockford and now so much of the grown-ups behaviors makes sense. Always wondered why people would go check on their cars for no reason.

  • I am over here in tears!!!!! Great post. Sharing with all my friends!!!

  • Sharday

    I could not even read all the way through the article, I’m not saying some facts of this is not true, but all the facts are not. Slick racist article. I’m just saying

    • De’Lisa

      Oh good grief girl… It is not that serious. Just laugh! This is hilarious!

    • Stfu and lighten up

    • Harlemgirl

      Holy fuck…get a sense of humor.

    • A.E. Harrison

      It is called self-reflecting humor (considering the author is black). It doesn’t hurt to find humor in one’s own culture as well as rejoice in it.

    • Starshine

      This had me dying! In my office tears rolling down my face, cracking up like a crazy person. Get a sense of humor…..I hear they sell them on aisle 3 at the local Walmart….You might wanna go for the XXL….just sayin’

    • Nick

      First, it’s called humor. Second (probably should be first), I haven’t been to any cookouts that didn’t end up like this. Usually gangsta rap instead of gospel though.

  • Martha McNeal

    Yo them joints,was haliours.

  • This is hilarious. I’m in tears laughing!

  • I really….needed this laugh!!!
    Thank you

  • Anithra

    Bwahahaha….all this happened to me this weekend…White learn theses rules lmao….

  • Hilarious!!!

  • Kim

    Absolutely hilarious and absolutely TRUE!!! I’m going to share this with all of my Caucasian friends!!

  • Veronica Grant

    I enjoyed reading this it is true for the most parts of cookouts I have experienced as well as funny as hell, because I have a experienced it

    Phahahahahahahaha :’-) crying laughing

  • Kenn Black

    This hilarious…. Because nobody ever really know’s “Tasha’s Boyfriend” name. He is always just “Tasha’s Boyfriend” Hilarious

    • anjell

      Lol!!!!! That is SO true. Together, they are Tasha-n’em! Lol!!

  • Oh my goodness I cannot stop laughing!!! This is so on point I’m in TEARS! The foil, spades, & liquor in the trunk are beyond hilariously TRUE! This needs to be the basis of an episode of Blackish. Thank you for this. And yes I agree that Black West Indian Cookouts are a little different, but come empty handed see what will happen.


  • James Stokes

    True to a degree and funny as hell but you forgot about warning people not to eat aunt Sally’s potato salad, cause she nasty.

    • Lawd!!!

    • Andrina

      Yes you are so right about that one!

    • That is very true! The potato salad warning was missing.

      • kathy

        Yes! Bad potatoes salad. And now that black folks r into indoor pets, there has to be a conversation about what else to avoid. LAWD!

  • Best post I read all week.

    This had me in physical TEARS.

  • Hilarious! Thank you for this.

  • OHMYGAD!! That’s the first real laugh I’ve had for days!! Thanks!

  • Faizah Young

    Omgee . I died especially about Rakim and Tupac and look Mo Dee. This was epic!! Sharing!

  • Black Thanksgiving has SWEET POTATO PIE!



    • Kim Lewis

      Can I get an amen!

      • kathy

        YES! Pound cake might get cut the next day.

    • Sheryl


  • Chris

    Funny but huge stereotypes. I was at several BBQ picnics and there was no spades, dominoes, or dark liquor.

    But #1 is correct. Bring something and the time is a given. CP is still alive and well.

    • Donna

      Black cook out and NO spades or bid whist? Uh, Neeka is home alone. Can I have some aluminum foil and take mine to go?

    • Southern in the City

      Case in point, you just said bbq picnic… what is that?

  • NikkiFree

    I have been in tears since the aluminum foil. I can’t stop laughing because this is so ridiculously on point! I love it!

  • Darnell Birkley

    Tasha? Oh you mean TT? Dat is Niqua’s nee baby. What you mean we out of Hennesee? Well who drank it all! Uncle Ray is at the radio again. Expect to hear Frankie Beverly and Maze… before I let go…. Just like cousin Binky to show up with his new woman and her 6 kids. None of them got the same Daddy and the youngest one is too light to be Binky baby. Food will be ready in about 2 hours.

  • This was truly hilarious! Loved it.

  • I am Black; however, I’ve never given/hosted a black barbeque. Most of the things addressed in this article were foreign to me. A few years ago, I was invited to a barbeque and told to bring potato salad. That was a first! And, the hostess is Puerto Rican! Obviously, she is blacker than I (lol)

  • David Hogan

    So true. Make sure your mac and cheese is piping hot. Nobody likes cold Mac & Cheese.

  • Chrissy

    Omg. I love this and so on point

  • Phat Bouy

    THIS IS TOOOO HILARIOUS!!!! I’ve been to a million cook outs and have even thrown many myself, and this is mostly accurate!!! LOL Don’t forget Nikki’s baby daddy arguing with her and people taking 3-4 plates home… GREAT ARTICLE…

  • Ken K. Robert

    There’s a credible argument around Tupac vs. Rakim?

    I’m more a Kurtis Blow, Grandmaster Flash, or Big Daddy Kane.

    I like dominoes.

  • Nikki

    Lmaooo! This is HILARIOUS and true btw!

  • Merrill durand

    OMG ! Good! Good! Yet in my neck of the woods this information is politically correct for black and white folks! Southwest Weeziana Baby! We do it big and we don’t discriminate !!

  • I’m laughing while I’m thinking that a gathering like this could bring Peace to all people of the world. It ain’t nothing but truth in this about a Black Barbecue.

  • This -ish was hilarious yo! I’m sharing with all my peeps on Facebook…

  • Lg

    You’re doing the KKK’s job for them.

  • Ms. Ar-kim

    yo this is sooooo on point

  • I was feeling some kind of way because I thought you were yet another white person trying to infiltrate black culture . . . Then I was sitting there cracking up to myself!!! HILARIOUS!!!

  • D.Abraham

    OMG I miss home, Brick City all day!! Thanks for the laugh and memories….

  • April Esq

    I can’t, I’m unable to can!! This is hilarious!!

  • Richard

    That describes every cookout I been to Black and White from Texas to Pa.

  • MomZilla

    Im cryyyyyin lmao!!!! I have a vivid imagination so I was seeing a lot if this stuff happening in my head…

  • Cracked me up. Never been lucky enough to get invited to a BBQ, so I’ve only bought the BBQ from the guys who pull up the smoker into a parking lot and cook out during lunch time. That’s good stuff.

  • Lisa

    Great stuff. A comedy routine all by itself! We need that aluminum foil for all of those carry outs.

  • Fredrick Gordon

    Absolutely positively gospel!!! on the music tip,remember having the kids dance to music played on the boom box by the drunk uncles/aunts/cousins? I learned to dance at cookouts!!

  • sixoseven

    That was not New England, nor New Orleans. Texas?

  • Chemere

    Too funny!!!

  • Hilarious, I’m in Fredericksburg, VA and they love potluck here. Coming from NY that took some time to get use to, I was like hmmm, what’s with all this potluck business.

  • Love it! This is so true. Being at cookouts growing up, you see all of these things. The music choice is a definite biggie. It tells you what to expect for real. I love the part about the Uncle who saved. Lol!

  • I’m laughing so hard I done woke up the baby! Thanks!

  • This just made my evening!!!!! Thank you!

  • Jenny

    In the bougie Black cookouts you never bring a dish because nobody knows how clean your kitchen is, plus you can’t eat everybody’s food! And never trust the potato salad! Lol.. I’m in real tears laughing at this!!!

  • Sissy

    I usually don’t find many people funny this mess was hilarious!i rally was lol

  • g2-12eb359a6462a611cbe1fc64a2cacd1b

    Hat tip!

  • Bunchy Carter

    WoW I guess Ive never been to a “Black BBQ”…

    Was this written by a Jewish Hollywood Executive??..All its missing is its AllStar Black Cast…

  • Omoloya

    I haven’t been to a cookout in SO long…

  • As a white man I thank you for this learning experience.
    I have my kids studying this as well so they learn young.

  • Margaret

    I love it. Laughed to tears. So funny.

  • Jamarkis Fleshtones

    Oh, you silly Negroes.

  • bill

    It’s spades and bid whisk. And thats called trunk liquor.

  • The thing is if nobody really knows you it’s best not to try to cook something and bring it because black folks don’t eat just anybody’s food. Bring the foil or better yet the crown or other top shelf. Everyone no matter the color, social and/or economical status will turn down top shelf. You show up relatively unknown to almost everyone except that black friend you work with who invited you and you have some home cooked food, only you and your coworker will be eating it. Everyone else will be like, “oh what’s his name brought that, his house might not be clean though so I’m not touching it!”

  • Kevin Brock

    The SMOKERS got left out! Apply/substitute the MJ to #5!! LMMFAO!!!

  • Azure

    I just attended this cookout on Labor Day. You forgot about the babymamas going to the corner store and “will be right back.” This made me laugh til I peed a little! BTW- My brown liquor was in the trunk of my car and I took about 3 plates home. 😉

  • Takisha

    I’m over here dying laughing!!! Every word of this is hilarious, yet so true! Lol

  • Absolutely hilarious, but I’m face true! Lol

  • This is one of the best pieces I’ve read in a long time. Great job!

  • Absolutely hilarious! But very true! Lol

  • I think my brother is Tasha’s boyfriend!!!!

  • Thank you so much. I really needed to laugh and remember all of the points you made!
    Thanks again

  • Tee

    What the fuck you mean you dont eat pork

  • Nai

    this is viral on FB. I spit out everrryyyyythhhiiiinnnnngggggggg i had in my mouth while eating and reading this. Soon funny.

  • Valerie Smith

    Too funny ..I’m cracking up because All of it was true

  • Eddie

    Truth be told, it doesn’t any better than this description…Hit on every point….Now the point is…how many white folks gonna read this?

    • Deb

      Read and shared with my baby sister whose boyfriend is the younger of the twin babies in a family of 9. We are low-key white people so you might not be able to tell when we are having a big time but our people bring food. Instead of aluminum foil the host unloads all of the plastic containers that have accumulated in the pantry because they are too good to just throw away.

  • Erica

    Crying my side hurt but its true I’ve been to alot and have thrown alot. I’ve seen people come with to go boxes and their own aluminum foil. I dare not play spades because I can bid a hand but I’m not getting cursed out for reneging. Don’t ever eat the potato salad! Keep the drinks coming and listen to Jaheims Just in case.

  • J. Benton Adams

    As a white man who has attended my fair share of west Indian house parties and Black Barbecue’s I found that no truer words have written. I agree totally with Mr. Hemingwy’s remark “gathering like this could bring Peace to all people of the world.”. May this happen someday soon.

  • Drew

    This is brilliant.

  • Just show up with food, Kraken rum, and ginger beer. Leave within an hour of cracking the Kraken.

  • kathy

    And if you’re the uppity cousin thy don’t eat pork or drink sweet tea, you better bring one helluva covered dish.

  • Steph

    Side note: the cookout is often held in the front yard instead of on the nice deck in the back yard. That way all the neighbors can see you.

    • Cherry


    • Daisy

      That was good it got my attention and I ain’t much stuff can get my kitchen to make me read all and also the guy is great he is a very very very good for it go Michael

      • Kathy

        I guess i’m not black

      • Diane

        I’m black, and I must say that I have no idea what you’re talking about, but this is pretty funny! We say barbecue, potluck, and cookout. Don’t know how to play spades, but 2 of my sisters do. We always have wine at our cookouts, not liquor typically, though, someone has brought tequila for shots before, and I’ve never seen a fight break out at a barbecue, but that’s really hilarious! I assume Wobble is a line dance? Don’t think I’ve seen this, and we would never play the songs you’ve listed at a barbecue, especially the gospel one?? But, the story was sooo funny. Wait, do any black people really play dominoes?

  • E.J

    This is toooooooo funny. You need to add a disclaimer. 1. Make sure u use the bathroom before reading. 2. Don’t read while eating. Pls take my word for it.

  • Cherry

    Ahh too funny and I’m black and tid helped me…

  • Jim

    As a white man I can tell you the author is doing gods work . There is nothing more embarrassing then bringing a white friend who you thought was going to be cool only to have them show up with chardonnay . This is the kind of in your face info the world needs.

    • Soul

      you are hilarious. and the funniest part, is that I like you whether you are serious or not.

    • Omoloya

      Right. Male or female, bring Moscato for the women.

    • Carol

      LOL nice one

  • Kat

    I’m dying! I’m crying!

  • Kiana

    This was absolutely hilarious and on point! Gonna share with all my white friends. Thanks.

  • Frfr lol this some crazy stuff. But true lol

  • OMG! ROTFLMMFAOOOOOOO!!!! Bruuuuhhh, I’ve never laughed SO HARD, AND shook my head in agreement on EVERY POINT! Junk is MADD TRUE! The author needs a Nobel Peace prize or something for all the lives and egos he’s about to save with this essential guide!!! LMBO!!!

  • vaughan

    Definitely stay away from the dominoes and spades if you DO know how to play. James gets really pissed if he gets beat by a white son of a bitch, especially when told “white sum’a bitch whooped yo ass”

  • Virginia

    i’M WEAK!! WEAK!! LOL!!!!

  • Nothing like a black folks cookout!

  • Love it! James is a fool! LOL

  • Lalah

    He nailed it…. Great job…

  • Katura

    Add to rule #1: You can always bring can drinks. And it has to be name brand because you will get looked at funny if you bring some off brand sodas to the cookout.
    A dessert is a good idea also. A cake (pound cake, lemon, chocolate, red valet)… or Banana pudding (especially if it’s homemade & good)

  • SueJones

    You need to make a list for a white person at a black funeral. Actually a list for a black person at a white funeral. A white person at a black funeral can just sit there all quiet and WATCH and LISTEN. A black person at a white funeral cannot start a’wailing. Seriously. Nobody in the room will know what to do and will only resume proceeding through the printed program after silence has been reached.

    • YES! I went with a large group of my white co-workers to a black funeral and we had no idea that there would be a long portion where cards sent to the family would be read.

      • kathy

        m black and I find this quite annoying. But what’s it got to do with cookouts.

  • PFFF


  • Man I need this laugh,been a rough week my Uncle Jerome died! and don’t forget to not go pet my Pittbull you’ll lose you damn hand!

  • Pingback: The Caucasian’s Guide to Black Barbecues  | Comments From The Peanut Gallery()

  • Jocelyn

    I was laughing because this reminded me of a birthday party I went to for a two year old. I thought I was running late because I was 30 minutes late. No! CP time meant the birthday boy’s mom was 2 hours late! Her hair looked really good though! The DJ kept playing music with filthy lyrics and I can’t forget the tranny smoking a joint in her car right outside the house! The adults kept getting Into the jumper and causing it to deflate! It was a lot of fun

    • kathy

      Hmmm… sounds like some of that relates more to being low class and trifling, as opposed to black.

  • Tyrone Darden

    Wow,very very funny. But so true on many accounts.

  • Myia

    Hee-larious and oh so true!

  • No, no, see…you can bring wine, but it has to be a box or one of those BIG ASS BOTTLES with that awkward, tiny little handle near the mouth. It has to be a white wine or a blush. Something sweet. Then you mix in vodka.

  • glenda

    Very very funny…Give the man his just do…Give him his award…

  • Shans

    Hmm ok. Been to many black cookouts as the only white person or part of a white family. Each has been as diverse and fun as those attending. I would say just get in where you fit in …respect another culture ,take your cues from those around you and have a good time! I always have just being my darn old self!!

  • Blacasian

    I have never had the privilege of attending such a barbeque. However, on a more serious and less humorous note, I wonder if there should be a “don’t ever” included in this list.

    After what happened to that former NAACP leader from Spokane who had a black husband and child, it appears anyone who is even remotely caucasian should never ever “identify as black,” even if they are strongly connected to and extremely supportive of the black community. Apparently it is best to tell no one of how you “identify” racially, even if you have been more comfortable around blacks than whites your whole life because the first time you ever heard the word n****r was in elementary school in the spring of 1964 when surrounded by 20 to 30 children shoving, shouting epithets, and throwing schoolyard gravel at you because you befriended the new little girl in your 4th grade class (who you had no clue was “colored” any differently than any other little girl). And even if that little girl who you only knew only on that one day in 4th grade in 1964 turned out to be one of the best and most trustworthy friends you would ever have for the vast majority of your entire life, it may be best not to mention such experiences – no matter who you feel most comfortable around, and no matter who is throwing the barbeque.

    That said, I look forward to the assessments of others with regard to these issues. I hope that others will support my impression that the “firestorm” surrounding the idea that a white person would “identify as black” was more connected to the press’ need for controversy than it is to the generalized point of view of everyday people. Thanks to my experiences and the ongoing racial attitudes in modern America, it can be difficult for people like me to feel comfortable at any barbeque. Although I found this post humorous, informative, and (hopefully one day extremely) useful, I, along with many others, dream of someday attending barbeques at which any and all racial jests and tensions are delegated to the past.

    • Shans

      Hello ‘ black as you can ‘.
      I am white and the first thing I would say to you… acknowledge and accept all that the privileges that our society affords you. It’s always a great honor to have friends and family to welcome you to whatever social event … no matter what different culture they may hail from.

      • Shakirah

        ‘Blac Asian’ appears to be her screen name, but I can see how it looks confusing.

    • Pookie

      This is a comedic piece, so your blah blah attempt at voicing your opinion on the Spokane case is seriously out of place. Identifying and lying are two completely different things. You’re never going to be able to eradicate cultures so guess what? The black cookout is on, and white folks will have their barbecues. Btw, I’m half black and half white and they both rock!

    • Gee

      I hope so too

  • Rob G

    The dude in the picture knows what time it is.

  • roberta

    Okay my race is unimportant, however I would like to address this. Black people are responding as if this is funny, NOT!!!. Don’t you know the difference between being laughed at and laughed with. I read right through it. It’s just a cleaned up humorous way to talk about how black people entertain. Really. .. I’m Smh,

    • Skeeta1068

      It is funny. And the author is laughing with us, because he’s black, and he gets it.

    • Courtney

      Lighten up Roberta. It’s a piece meant to be humorous. Sometimes it’s important to laugh at ourselves. How many Black BBQ’s have you actually attended? After going to one or having one, you get home or everybody’s gone and you talk about the events of the night with your girlfriend, boyfriend husband cousin, or whomever. I bet there some laughter going on….

    • The author is black. I can be as edgy as the next person, but you might consider getting over yourself. This was seriously funny and quite on point. It may have been a bit stereotypical (that’s how stereotypes get started) but it was also very accurate. . . and funny, did I mention funny?

  • Ms. Clark

    This is tooo funny but true!!! Hilarious and James is a BOF aka Big Ole Fool!!!

  • I LOVE it! I grew up in Detroit and was one of the few white kids wandering around.

  • And make it a West Indian cookout? Have mercy. That adds a whole dynamic making it crazier with political fueled arguments, and the start time a few hours later than the invite time! Well done article!!

  • Angela Acott

    This was all too entertaining. This is never a bar b que that I’ve hosted as a person of color but I have been to plenty BBQ very similar. It’s ok to laugh at each other and ourselves sometimes. Growing up in a diverse community we as kids did it all the time and couldn’t wait to share stories. We found out in the end we weren’t so different after all.

  • Bryan

    Well written…funny as hell…laughter is truly great medicine!

  • Carol E. Dawkins

    You forgot to tell them about the card stuck to the forehead (in your face) when playing spades. This was so funny and so true.

  • Super funny! UBER talented! Laughter is healing!

  • The ONLY miscue was…”Black Thanksgiving” has SWEET POTATO PIE, instead of pumpkin pie! Pound cake is just an added bonus! HI-LAR-I-OUS!

    • What he said was “White Thanksgiving has pumpkin pie and wine, Black Thanksgiving has pound cake and Crown Royal”

  • Derrick

    This reads like a sketch that you would see on Chappell’s Show.

  • a.m..houston

    and don’t try to dance.. someone ,somehow. makeing fun of you at the same time

  • sgonza4

    This was too funny! If you substitute the Crown Royal for Bacardi, and the Wobble with Salsa, you got yourself a Puerto Rican cookout!

  • I approve this message!! Take a walk with me means you might smoke out too!! lol

  • Yolie

    Michael your Caucasian Guide to the Black BBQ is an hit! Please think about doing much more of that. Some topics could include: The Caucasian Guide to . . . Living in the hood, Baby Mama Drama, How to drank Liquor, Black folks working in Corporate America (White at work, Black at home) etc.

    Thanks for the laughs

  • stoneriver

    The only thing missing is knowing that the new Black National Anthem is “Before I Let Go” by Frankie Beverly and Maze.
    We get up for that quicker than when the pastor says please rise for “lift every voice and sing”.

    • Sean

      This song is heard at every Black cookout, somebody will say “AW SHIT” when it starts and everybody will dance. Guaranteed. Good add!

      • kathy

        Bank on it!

  • You definitely should have put a “warning before reading” disclaimer on this! I’m sitting at my desk CRYING! This is sooooooo hilarious AND true!!!! Loved it!

  • Mary

    That’s hilarious! White BBQs don’t have nearly this many rules… though most of the ones I’ve been to we’ve done the “non-potluck thing” and brought something. Usually spinach dip. Your white friend must have had a fancy one.

    Also, can we combine Thanksgivings? Bring your Crown Royal and I’ll bring the pies.

    • DOT

      Every thing James said is so true, he is crazy as hell, he left out one thing, the reason for all that foil so those greedy baster, the ones act like they never seen food before, take all the food home, your dancing, they study taking plates to the car, y all know what I’m talking about come on!!! You could be one of those people!!!!!!!!! LOL

      • Okay?! I was at a party once and someone came in the front door, made 3 plates and took them to the car, then came back and ate. I don’t mind people taking food so much, it’s just that no one asks and they take groceries not a plate. I actually had someone ask who had not shown up for the party and didn’t bother to say they couldn’t come, ask me to bring the food to work the next day.

    • Not if it’s pumpkin you can’t. And black folks not gonna be too keen to eat sweet potato pie (or potato salad) made by a caucasian sistah.

      • kathy

        Nope. Their is a sect in the family where all the brothers married white women and all the brothers married Honduran men. That’s a story by itself. But anyway, the white ladies always end up taking their food home. Especially the one with the indoor animals. They say her dips are good though.

  • Dave Martin

    Bring Hennesey White to the BBQ and hot sauce and you will be treated like a God!!

  • I’ve been doing it wrong all my life. I even bring something to a white BBQ… Should stop that! 🙂

  • Elvin Dowling

    This was absolutely side splitting funny ! Looking fwd to more of your posts!!!

  • Earsie Penlton


  • Aha!!!!!

  • Carla Latham

    This is HILARIOUS!!! I loved it! I LOL’d through the whole thing.

  • Mine

    Seriously?? Putting you on blast for this B.S. Black Pride, Black Power!

  • justicewillbeserved

    OMG this was too funny, on point and everything is true.

    • Beauty1829

      This is so in accurate for me, coming from a deeply religious Christian family. I am an African American woman ? at age 40, have never had the opportunity to be experience any of the above mentioned black barbecue/ cook out stereotypes you so eloquently explained. Also I only serve wine ? for the holidays, and nobody leaves drunk.

      • JPUMY

        Thanks for reminding us that Xtians completely lack a sense of humor (as if we really needed reminding).

        • kathy

          Wow beauty1829 is quite the vibe killer huh?

      • LJJ

        Its parody, a joke, loosen up. We are Christians but yes we can laugh. Remember religion and realtionship 2 differents things. I dont relate to every number here but I understand and im sure you do to what the writer is trying to say. Relax and if it doesn’t apply it doesnt apply keep it moving. Its really not that serious.

      • Lana

        in accurate= inaccurate, also it called having a sense of humor although all of this is VERY true.

      • ThisIsFunny

        Like Beauty1829 I grew up third generation Holiness, Pentecostal so our cookouts were slightly different from what is described above. The music ranged from Contemporary Kirk Franklin/Mary Mary to Shirley Ceaser.

        There’s the gossiping Aunties, thats telling everbody’s business under the guidlines of “we just want to lift them up in prayer”

        There’s the unsaved cousins thats there by marriage watching the football games.

        Theres the uncle cookoffs and wives asserting whose macaroni and cheese is the best.

        There’s the singalong as everyone in my family is a singer/preacher/musician lol

        But thats about it. However when visiting cookouts with my other friends families, I saw a lot of these things and thought it was HILARIOUS and accurate LOL!!!

      • William Milton III

        You must be from the North..I am from Louisiana and this illustration is on point and a little exaggerated but on point. I bet your cook outs are boring..Just joking!

      • Genoa O’Brien

        Beauty1829 has been hosting white folk BBQ’s disguised as black folk cookouts ???

      • Kodak

        It’s meant to be a joke… Don’t take yourself so serious. Some people are so heaven bound that they’re no earthly good.

      • Who Iam

        Beauty1829 aka Rachel Dolezal. I bet you are single, and have never been married. Lol. My entire family is religious just like you, and that is why I don’t fool with them much. Breathe easy everyone she is entitled to her own opinion just like we all are.

        Keep this in mind though Beauty 1829, your response strengthens the stereotype given to Christians and all black women. Your opinion is valuable, but ensure what you say does not bring about another stereotype.

      • blazz

        This is too funny…if you don’t understand..that’s’s not for you ?

      • TBollix

        But I bet they leave to get drunk!!!!

      • Then you would fall under the Caucasian category as these rules apply.

      • I’m from california and everything stated here it’s common and true. I see as blacks we still run from the truth until the Caucasians steal it like big butts, lips, tans, weaves, rap, rock, etc..then we take pride in it and want it back…we aren’t the only ones eating water melon and loving chicken but some things are true of our culture. Don’t be ashamed of thought culture or it will be stolen or stripped like african to american or just black…how many brothers you know speak the native tongue? None

      • Elaine

        I am a deeply committed (I am not religious) Christian, and this was funny to me. No, my family does not play spades or Dominoes, but that’s because we’re from that way down, Louisiana Baptist church, and they don’t play cards and dominoes because that’s gambling. But, I have had drunk uncles and aunts at cookout that act a fool. I remember as a kid, my dad was in the Air Force and one of his drinking buddies baptized himself in our kitchen sink. I think James Cleveland was playing at the time. Or it might have been Marvin Gaye’s ‘What’s Going On’. It was the 70s, so basically James Cleveland and Marvin Gaye were the same thing. My point is, even as much of a Christian as I am, I don’t have time to sit on my siddity horse and make judgements on others. And I am willing to bet SOMEBODY is getting drunk off your Thanksgiving wine (probably you.)

    • Beauty1829


    • Sherry

      The foil is for all the to go plates. Those that say, just wrap my plate up, I am not hungry right now (because they are busy drinking). Then those that have eaten and still taken a couple of plates to go. Lol…

      • Sista

        true and funny

    • This is only true based on the experience of some people. Me myself, don’t trust anybody’s cooking, or how sanitary they might be. When hosting I’d rather provide everything thing myself. This means that, there’s no factual evidence to the blog posted here. Just more baseless stereotypes placed on us by us!!!!!???

      • darlene Horton

        Wow! Loosen up lady. Wanna come to a cookout?

      • kathy

        You’re right about one thing do most of myself. Don’t trust. But still encore others to bring their best dish. Others can eat it. I just eat what came from my house.

      • Hilarious! As a mixed race woman, I am cackling from both sides of the fence. How sad that some of the people who’ve replied negatively have been deprived of a REAL cookout! And yes, we run out of foil all the time ’cause Peanut ‘nem start packing up the good stuff as soon as they walk in the door.

      • BabySis

        Ummm so that means we can’t trust your cooking and whether or not you are sanitary?!?!? FOH… you have had your share of BBQs and ate something from somebody you didn’t know.. Please exit left and take the bougietude with you. This is a comedy blog, about something that is real for many.

      • savedandproud

        Really???!! This is a ha ha moment. I am saved, educated, intelligent, and the wife of a pastor. Surely I won’t be judged for the humor in this account of our “cookouts.” Your standing with God and society is not at stake.

      • Angel

        This is hilarious and ACCURATE from my experience as a Caucasian woman in an interracial relationship for 17years. Except I know how to play spades and dominoes! 🙂

      • Mad_niss

        When are black folks going to stop believing that these, so-called, stereotypes are negative?!!!! Quit allowing others to dictate who, how or what you are!!! Beauty, you acting, trying to be or imitating White culture is a stereotype and is seen, by some, as negative also! But who decided this? I say,”Who Cares?!!” It’s all divisive! This wasn’t for you, speaking to you, by you. Move on and quit hating your people. We’re all you’ve got at the end of the day, which is sad, but true!! Love Ya’ll!

      • bayoucreole

        Lies you tell. Here in New Orleans this is pretty much dead on.

      • Lindsey Williams-Hoff

        Ugly 1829 puhlease just shut the fuck up already!! You’re ruining everyone else’s fun!! Who cares about your family and how you were reared!! If this article doesn’t apply let it fly you dick head!! Damn!! Now that’s how Black people respond to miserable bitches on the Internet! ! Lmbo!

      • Alexis

        Really!!!! Loosen up. Yes you do eat anybodies cooking, every time you eat at a resturant you have no clue what they are doing with your good. We need to invite you to a cookout.

      • Alexis

        Beauty 1828, sorry, you have no clue what restaurants do with your food?

      • chaundalee

        You should just stop commenting. You are thee only one that doesn’t get it….. THEE ONLY ONE…. Oh oops it’s two. EVEN the white people (no pun intended. I love yall) get it…. Awesome read. The saying goes the truth hurts but in this case the truth is funny as hell.

      • BOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! You and your cookouts suck and you make that so easy to see. Thank you Boring Beauty 1829, now maybe go and pray for a sense of humor and joy in life, then learn to live on Earth for just a minute. Just a friendly word of advice to someone who so freely brought it upon themselves. You’re welcome.

      • These are not stereotypes…they are facts. Go to a black bbq and play spades not knowing what you’re doing…see how that works for you after your partner and you bump heads a couple times…not every fact is negative not is every stereotype fact but these are definitely common for my culture

    • uncle brother

      This is so accurate….. I couldn’t stop laughing. I know no other type of BBQ’s. I wouldn’t change it for the world.
      In Texas

    • judy

      This very accurate so funny im a Christian too but still attend family cookouts and yes this is how it goes down especially about the bathroom and foil..


    • Ok its time for me to block comments since there are a few “NOT ALL”, ignorant ass people on here. That are obviously too dumb to realize, that we did not all grow up in the same household or family. FOR THE IRRELEVANT PERSON WHO DARED, TO CALL ME UGLY 1829 LMFHO10X. SO ON THAT NOTE ? WHY DO YOU TAKE YOUR UGLY ASS TO YOUR PARENTS SMACK THE SPIT OUT OF THEM FOR GIVING BIRTH TO SOMETHING, THAT ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE!

      • Alexis

        Oh no!!! You are really mad. Do not get upset people are just giving an opinion just like you.

      • Aww…don’t drop to the level of responders…come to the hood etiquette school. It will make u immune to words and u won’t give a damn if you grew up as the fresh Prince OR Carlton…lol

      • Elaine

        Uh oh, it got real up in here, lol!

  • John C

    You are on point. After hosting my black wife’s family for the Labor Day barbecue this past Monday, I took my white ass upstairs when the house music came on. And, no, I can’t fight.

    • Loved the article and your comment. Going upstairs…smart move#!!

    • Sherry

      On point… #lovrmyblackbbqs
      The foil is for all the to go plates. Those that say, just wrap my plate up, I am not hungry right now (because they are busy drinking). Then those that have eaten and still taken a couple of plates to go. Lol…

    • sewme

      very funny

    • Kennedi


  • Vero nica Maxwell

    This absolutely hilarious but it was surprisingly accurate…loved it

  • Carmen Mmm

    This was hilarious and on point!! I’m going to print this off ?

  • Tula B.

    Just got to Love my people!


  • Nakia Tillman

    I can choose to be alot of things but I can only be black. Instead of running from your roots try to remember we all came from Africa and that you can’t change or dilute that. And even though I was born in upstate Ny I have enough sense to know that millions will not save me from my skin color.

    • L. W>

      What do consider “Upstate NY”? If you say Westchester County and surrounding areas I may call your mama a Bitch…

      • He said he was born there so he knows better. #mountvernon. He must really mean upstate.

      • BabySis

        LMAO.. *dead on the floor*…and I am from the midwest and definitely a spades ishtalker….I will call yo mama a bish and maybe throw your drunk Auntie with the twisted wig in there too!!!

      • Alexis

        True, I’m a Brooklyn girl and for sure that is what I’m gonna call you ?

    • Sensational

      What the F* are you talking about? How does that relate to this article? This shit was funny and that is all anybody needs to comment about.

  • Anthony

    I don’t know runnin a Boston from a Boston Cream Pie, (I’ll break 3 or 4 tables slammin bones tho),

    Can’t wobble– the dance that is ( I have my own natural gravitational wobble), I thought the Cupid Shuffle was your gay cousins’ “Friend” ,

    Don’t drink, and I have been known to bring some epicurean dish (Dude…I thought this was a Cookout, not a Bobby Flay episode- couldn’t you just brought a couple cans of baked beans or some green punch for the kids ? Damn you Ant !!).

    Will ALWAYS run out of aluminum foil (say bruh run to the dolla sto real quick for some mo aluminum foil for that corn).

    and if two or more Pac songs come on in succession and one of them is ” I Ain’t Mad at Cha”, I’m makin egress for the nearest safe haven (I’m runnin).

    • Kennedi


  • Tasha Leon

    It’s not funny and is racist and sterotypical.

    • L. W.

      says someone name “Tasha”…lol



      • jen


      • Ray


    • GG $

      Is it racist if the author is black? Sounds like he’s Giving advice. And advice is nice. Just like pork, beans and rice.

      • BabySis

        Dude, Pork, beans and rice gives you nothing but gas, but blog is funny as hell….

    • Says cousin Tasha with the club foot and mustache who responds to everything with, “God don’t like ugly.” We know Tasha. We know.

      • jen


      • Jaguar


      • blazz

        Shut up lol!

    • joyce

      I agree.

    • Silversatin

      But it is truth.

    • @Tasha finally someone who agrees with my views, that this is stereotypical!!!

    • Phillip

      My people!!!

  • The tribe of Judah. I love it

  • Trina

    Funny but very stereotypical! I do understand it though this does happen at a lot of cookouts but not all….If your a Caucasion don’t listen to this just be yourself! Don’t put a font on like you know shit cause we can smell a fake frm miles away. But nice read overall.

  • MommyG

    Can’t stop laughing this is hilariously so true esp bout the
    “Luninum” foil LOVE IT

  • Deirdre


  • Dutchie

    One tip I think can be added or it may be worthy of its own article is definitely To-Go Plate Etiquette. I’ve seen many bonds broken over someone piling too much in a to go plate.

    • kathy


    • Anthony

      I have a brother who don’t bring anything to the cookout EXCEPT Tuppaware. EVERYTIME LOL

  • Douglas J

    We all need to lighten up and embrace our ability to be humorous and stop being so sensitive.

    Years ago black comedians used the stage to talk about all races. When a white man told a joke one time about a black man everybody booed but like Bill Belamy says if we can laugh at the white jokes, we can laugh at black jokes.

    You should be able to tell the difference when it’s in fun or in hate.

  • Music is a great indicator that it is time to go. When somene’s baby daddy shows up arguing or if you see slap boxing, run.

  • Malcolm

    Hilarious !!!!

  • This is so funny and accurate in most cases, I love it.

  • The Travel Specialist

    I could not stop laughing………..Great advice! In my opinion, it’s only considered racist and stereotypical if you have a closed mind and do not know how to think outside of the “FUN” box (again…in my opinion) 🙂

  • Sikeetheya

    TOOOO FUNNY!!!!.. Loved it!

  • Bunny Rabbit

    This is too funny. I was in the emergency room last night and was afraid to open it. I didn’t know WHAT might come out. I came home at 5:30 am and the first thing I did was open it. I don’t know when I have had so much fun in FB. It is not serious so folks just roll with it ’cause you know you’ve been around some of this.

  • Omg that sounds wonderful! Sounds like hella fun and makes me wish i had a black cookout to go to… MUCH more fun than my family’s stuffy white “interventions” with (my cousin) Tom! Your writing is great, you really make the whole hilarious scene come alive!

  • Ladeegee

    Too Funny! Almost like my family cookout, except for that fighting part. In my family, we only ask those people who know what to cook to bring a dish. Everyone else can bring drinks and stuff. My dish is deviled eggs. I have to bring those eggs to every family function.

  • Ro

    I’m on the floor, and by the way it’s Rskim all the way

    • Ro


  • Ginnie

    Great etiquette guide (LOL) in case anyone ever invites me anywhere here in the South. Even though I’m white, I’m sitting here laughing in recognition because a lot of these fine points are Southern–black and white. The aluminum foil and to-go part of the blog and the comments cracked me up. We even have to keep a large stash of aluminum foil here at the office so that people can make up to-go plates at lunch meetings.

  • Jacq

    Thank goodness for humor and the ability to laugh at ourselves. Some people don’t like stereotypical jokes, political jokes, religious jokes, etc. If it’s funny, it’s worth laughing at—doesn’t make it true. But I swear, he must have been hiding out at a few of my family cookouts back in the 80s. Love my people, the memories, and all the laughs. I say its time to head home the moment we pull out the cards. Something is going to go down real soon.

  • Lynda

    Some of it was true, some of it was funny, it had its mixture of different things that hit on point about black and white bbq’s. It Just do seem a little bit racist/ stereotyping on certain parts for blacks and whites.

  • sammie jones

    So funny and refreshing, so like many of black cookouts. I am black and I am LMAO!

  • Just Trying

    Maaannnn!!!!! This was hilarious! It’s 90% of every family gathering or cookout that I’ve experienced.

  • shartini

    As a eastern European these bbq’s area the BEST! Our bbq’s were a lil more diverse with lots of islanders too. They always fight over the music R&b and hip hop or reggae. Although I can cook I preffered to bring the luminum foil, red cups, and ICE! The ice is in the running with the foil.

    • Angelina Popovich

      As a half-Russian, half-Serb, and mother of two bi-racial children, I have been to a LOT of cook-outs and hosted plenty of my own.
      These rules reminded me of many parties hosted by my Russian mother. The food,the drinks, the “loud” discussions, the drunk “uncles”, etc. However, you failed to mention Uncle Boris ” hitting on ” the next-door neighbor’s wife or “feeling” various booties,etc. Instead of recorded music, my family’s events were capped by loud and boisterous songs from the homeland, often accompanied by tears.
      P.S. Instead of aluminum foil, I stock up on foam take-out containers.

    • YoliC

      RED Cups….Yes! #HighFive

  • Ray

    Man LISTEN…….EVERY NUMBER on here is TRUE at the black bbq’s I’ve been to in my life……oh except the ones that people like Beauty1829 have…….I usually leave those as soon as I say hi to everyone and notice that there is no drinkin’ n smokin’ n cussin’ goin on……and who the hell drinks wine at a cookout?? SMH

  • wobblessilva

    i grew up in an upper middle class african american/puerto rican household. at my dad’s funeral we had KFC aand barbeque. At my mom’s…barbeque………don’t get me started on the carlo rossi and the busch beer

  • Black West Indian in Canada

    Not American, But can truly say the “Cookout” is a cultural thing we do share (ESPECIALLY the dominoes) we call them Bash-ments (sounds like ‘Batch-Men’) and the old school hip hop would be replaced with dancehall music Bounty Killer, Cartel etc… James would be Junior, the Drunk uncles would be Jr….FK it EVERYONE would be Jr.
    the Gospel would be Bob Marley Era Reggae (and maybe soca, but most Jamaican’s DONT LIKE CALYPSO AND/OR SOCA -BECAUSE ITS FROM TRINIDAD….so when that comes on its time to run before the Yardies get irritated that the reggae done, and the Trinies will get mad that someone turned off the Soca, and god help you if the Guyanese present want to here bangra or Massala music. when Tasha’s man, Jr, just done drank off all the rum (No captain Morgan here, only J.Ray and Nephew) now if this is in the Carribean expect to have water in your rum, otherwise someone else will drink out the cola about 6 mins before the police come to tell everyone to go home

  • sewme

    I am from New Orleans and I know lots cookouts are like that it was very funny lighten up people if it doesn’t apply to you move on

  • Wa’Tese

    Omg…I am at work dying…this is so funny annnd true…glad Im black..and I love my black ppl

  • Michael

    Ha… This is so on point, but if you’re from Chicago you know there’s a difference between a typical black cookout and a South/West Side cookout… Don’t park down the street unless you’re from that neighborhood or you plan on leaving early. The young adults play spades and the older folks play bidwiz… If you’re trying to fit in wit the drunk uncle than bring some wild irish… Don’t go to the corner store by yourself… When the Dj throws on house music, its time to put your deck of cards down and get up and dance… If you’re a single white guy that’s into black women than act like you don’t know how to dance especially if the dj throws on some reggae music directly afterwards. Trust me on this, you’ll thank me later… The time to leave is when the street lights start coming on and the dj throws on drill music… Oh and those popping sounds are more than likely not going to be fireworks. And if you’re still there if gunshots go off don’t expect to see people running.

    • YoliC

      Michael….SO TRUE. Please know that there IS a difference between South and West side Cookouts. I love when he arguments about which side is best start….forget leaving I’m pulling up a seat and getting the popcorn…LOL (Except I do know not to get too close) 🙂

  • This is hilarious! I’ve witnessed each of these at cookouts. At my house, you don’t sit at the bid whist table unless you know what you’re doing.

    • YoliC

      Okaaaay! Cause they will CUT YOU UP! Stay away from the Bid Whist! LOL

  • Cris

    I got as far as Madness’ post and thought. Why are some black people so ridiculous? All yall need to lighten up. There is so much diversity in our on culture. Not all of us are going to do things the same way. From reading this (and laughing) I discovered I’ve never been to a black cookout. My family doesn’t act like any of the things I’ve just read (well not 100% of the time and it depends which side I’m visiting). It’s okay if we don’t all have a bbq, cookout or grill the same way. That is what makes our culture so beautiful. You all need to lighten up so what if Beauty doesn’t get down the same way you do.

    Thanks for all the stories I’m going to be like the white guy and find me some black friends so I can attend my first cookout! 😉

    • Paul

      No comment on the article. It’s the Caucasian thing. People from the Caucasus don’t have white (fair if you like) and are considered ‘blacks’ in Russia. Anyway, a BBQ or cookout should be good fun and bringing sumpin’ along is generally a good idea unless it insults the hosts.

  • I was thoroughly entertained. I realized the comedic intent from the beginning, it is very funny. I have never attended such a cookout but I can imagine it in my mind. It is okay to laugh at yourself once in a while. Keep writing.

  • bn4994

    Sounds like all the white bbq’s I’ve been to. Doesn’t sound like which much different. Never thought of it as a black white thing. Always considered it a southern thing. Come, eat, enjoy…if you leave hungry it’s no ones fault but your own! B

  • So true!! Loved this article!! I am from up CT so I had gone to a co workers barbecue in Texas and it was like the Gin and juice video! I also said I want to learn Domino’s and the side eye I was given, a lot! I did bring jello shots, liquor and mixers so they learned my name. Lori, where the shots!! Best time

  • You forgot to mention the police showing up twice. Once with a warning a then to take the homeowner to jail.

  • Omoloya

    Beauty 1829, I was raised in Jack & Jill, raised Roman Catholic and even contacted *my favorite nuns,* The Sisters of the Blessed Sacrament to discuss joining the Order. I lived my first year of college in New Orleans when the drinking age was 18 and didn’t drink a drop.

    At 40, I now make a mean caipirinha, still don’t drink beer or sweet wine (unless it’s in sangria), am a Lukumi priest and am a Femme Lesbian.

    I STILL had, God rest his soul, a Great Uncle Peter who hunted, fished, smoked his kills and brought them up to NJ from Down South (exact location not given to keep the holier than thou Carolinians from jumping up and down). He ALWAYS had *something for the grown folks* in my other great uncle’s garage (the host). Thanks to Uncle Peter, I can proudly say I have forgotten the taste of possum, blacksnake and raccoon (you forgot about the “special” grill where the OLD, OLD men spent their time… maybe this part has died out).

    Beauty 1829, there are as many ways to be Black (or black) as there are (B)lack people. Until we embrace all the colors of who we are as people/a People, we will never get anywhere… and forget about “what other folks think.” Embrace your kind of soirées and remember to pour a taste… I mean, lift a glass to your fellow humans of color.

    And lift a glass to white folks, too. They need all the help we have time to spare.

  • why tee


  • Find the positive. Life is a spectrum. “Change your vibration, you change your life.” For me, this was soooo enjoyable. Thank you, Michael.

    • Cauzell

      This is the funniest but so true!! I’m from south Louisiana and we have the best cookouts/ boil party’s ever!! And u already know, when that music change it’s time to roll!!!!


  • LoLo

    I am Mexicana. Born and raised in California around many other Latino races. When we make fun of our own stereotypes, it’s what brings us laughter. It’s something we can stand common ground for when relating to one another. Yes, maybe some of this is an exaggeration, but this is a comedian approach. Sometimes I have met those stuck up Latinos who don’t agree with my outlook, and they give me that dirty look, it’s like, “Chill! I have a lot of respect for our culture! It’s just funny that a lot of us can relate.” In the next decade, we all won’t be able to make fun of ourselves. As for this forum, It was hilarious, in my opinion, and the writer is so good at giving you the experience with the details. It’s like you are there at the cook off! And, yes, everyone has a drunk Uncle, that is for sure!

  • YoliC

    I live on the SouthSide of Chicago OMG This is SO TRUE! I DO NOT….and I repeat DO NOT sit MY behind down at Spades or Dominoes tables…Loosen Up Beauty… is too short we MUST learn to laugh at ourselves. And about that Aluminum Foil…. 🙂 I got plenty of it in my Love this

  • DeePoet

    I was CRYIN’ laughing when I read this. As an Alabama gal this is sooooo on point!!! AND some funny shiggedy!! We have to just laugh at ourselves sometime! If you haven’t experienced any of this then you don’t get it and that’s absolutely cool but if you HAVE then you truly get it and it’s funny as HELL…that’s it…that’s all. I’ma read it again and then pass it on to summa my kin folk who I KNOW will get a good laugh from it too! thanks for the laugh!

  • Pat

    Kuh-razy! 😀

  • Jeremy Advocare

    I met a girl at a barbecue once. I made her laugh. Chicks love to laugh. She would do anything, anything –anything.

  • This is Hilarious!!!!

    • Agree with EVERYTHING except at Thanksgiving besides pound cake you know there will be a potato pie and or banana pudding. Get real.

      • Sweet potato pie for sure.

      • Courtney

        And most definitely a peach cobbler!!! Lololol!

      • johnnie


      • hennessy and potato salad

      • ikr. My mom would make banana pudding during the holidays and we would rush to get some before it’s al gone

      • Sweet potato pie, pecan pie & Bacardi Rum sis makes the best rum cake; she knows there will be a revolt if she don’t include a couple of those cakes…lol…

    • You know very well why we need so much aluminum foil to take the left overs home plus the stuff we brought.

  • Trickybilly

    Thank the shit for all these eastern euro/Russian comments to give a little perspective on cookouts

  • yes..thanks for sharing. mad funny!

  • Angela

    You didn’t mention what color koolaid I should take.

    • ummkittehs

      Purple. Red is from ordinary days. Purple means your mama loved you.

    • Gladys

      Or the kool-aid pickles. . .lol

      • tenisha

        Totally awesome material….very funny

      • Leo

        Southern Thang

  • Twizted

    I was at a cook out this weekend where we ran out of aluminum foil!! It was a panic! LOL! We have to learn to laugh more and stop being so uptight! Some is an exaggeration, but the spades and dominoes advise is dead on. Don’t do it!!! I am really good at spades, so I sits DOWN baby!!! But don’t do that if you can’t play. LOL! My favorite is not bringing new ish like potato salad with raisins!!! I literally bust out laughing because just about a week ago there was some in the office with raisins in it and I just looked at it! LOL!!

  • FL Trini Gal

    Ha ha ha… This is so true on too many levels. Although my family is Caribbean, so we don’t play spades (I “LEARNED” in college and I still don’t play with black people cuz I can’t handle the stress), but we do play dominoes. And we’re born again Christians (for the most part), so a lot of the times the music is gospel right through, unless someone starts to play some old school reggae, calypso, and soca. I got a creepy great uncle (through marriage) who hits on anything in a skirt, but also keeps the good liq in the garage cuz his wife, who is usually the host is the pastor of the church. But that FOIL comment. Oh LORD! I’ve seen my momma hide foil cuz people who showed up with their hands swinging (meaning they didn’t bring anything to the get together) try to pile their plates and leave with blessings on blessings on blessings. She’s not having none of that! Lol

    • Tranette

      This comment is everything in every way.

  • sooooo ture

  • Mikey

    I am a Britsh Jamaican of mixed black and white parentage who is now living in the USA and I can certainly identify with what this writer is saying its a humorous look at aspects of the black culture

    Persons here and I mean you Beauty have to realize that we as black people’s re from a spectrum we have varied experiences and we should appreciate the varying differences in our culture
    Lighten up my beautiful friend and keys all enjoy that which makes us unique and always Remember that even though our experienced may be different we are all black people and in the end what matters is the ties that binds

    I positively love my lack people stay safe y’all

  • Twizted

    Ummmm Beauty is going HARD! Wow….and these are not stereotypes. They are just a part of alot of our culture. What is so wrong about this? I don’t get it. I am a black woman, grew up VERY involved in church, I’m very successful, married for 12 years, 2 beautiful daughters, I go to church…sometimes, but have a very deep belief and relationship in God. And you know I laughed. It’s OK. How you calling people ugly though?! *looks for pictures* *blank stare* Live LAUGH and love baby! Ignorance has no place in happiness! Free your mind! 🙂

  • Lol!!! I couldnt help but laugh!

  • This is hilarious and so VERY TRUE!!!!!

  • If you renege on me during Spades, you gonna get a lot more than side-eye…

    This is hilarious.

    • Yes the very reason I won’t play with those who take it so serious.

  • Tom W.

    Insanely funny!….and accurate!

  • Wow!!! You are so on point!!! This post is hilarious!!!!

  • Valorie

    Well, I must say, “you hit the nail on the head!” I lOVE MY PEOPLE! ?

  • Ann

    This hilariously funny!! And really recognizable!

  • Jonathan

    Ahhhhh hahahahahahahahaha! So truuuuuue!

  • Talk about hitting the nail on the head. That SPADES comment was too real. The really funny part is everybody had to learn sometime, just don’t do it at the cookout. You might want to practice at home and work on your smack talking game. That’s the whole fun of it, but you gotta be able to handle it. It is not for ‘sensitive’ people. lol I usually break out when the Goose does (Grey Goose vodka). I figure if I leave just before everybody gets drunk won’t nobody know I left.

  • Roz

    Too funny and true! Only one thing– spades is kids table. Bid Whist is for REAL card players and trash talkers. LOL!!!

  • Yes Yes Yes! I don’t care if you tie me to the wobbly lawn chair, I will shuffle my ass away from the Spades or Dominoes table! And ALWAYS take some food with you home. very disrespectful not to!

  • Joyce

    Lol this was great! Made my day

  • Cassie

    I have been to both white and black cookout / barbeque. And I must admit I am more entertained at the black ones. There is always something going on to keep you engaged. I do play spades and dominoes. Learn it in high school and perfected it in college. Do not play spades if you cannot play. I hate to renege. LOL. But I enjoy being around people and I have learn to swing white and swing left to enjoy myself.

  • Lindsey Williams-Hoff

    I guess ugly 1829 removed my comments because I struck a nerve and was totally on point. Lol

  • Sounds complicated and stressful….

  • One of THE BEST blog entries I have read. Well played, Sir!

  • jamesd3rd

    That was funny as hell. Especially since I was JUST at a labor day cookout and brought beer, ice and two bottles of Moscato for the hostess. I generally never come empty handed. However I have tried new recipes that went over very well like (for Thanksgiving) gourmet Mac-n-Cheese with Penne pasta asiago & monterey jack and a little spinach. None was left by the end of the night. There was also the tray of traditional mac-n-cheese too. When it gets late, the host pulls out the fire pit and we burn ANY scrap of wood he managed to scrape up. I did however buy a some split logs sold at the grocery store since people also use fire pits at the beach. Nunbers 3, 6, 8 and 9 are classic. We don’t play Spades or Dominoes. I probably wouldn’t play anyway. I played so much Spades in school I just got sick of it and I’ve forgotten how to play and score Dominoes. But the side-eye thing on reneging a book killed me. Uncle Jerome is hilarious.


  • I just about died a thousand deaths!!! This is hilarious and all true!!!!

  • HILARIOUS!! And TRUE!! Thanks for the laugh!

  • BajanLibby

    Also – you better dress. Shorts and a t-shirt will not cut it. Learned that one the hard way.

  • AP

    This is like half my life. Here are some additional lessons I’ve learned:
    -don’t join the soul train no matter how many times you get asked; your feelings WILL get hurt even if you’re a good sport
    – don’t catch a ride or offer to give extended family a ride if you are not prepared to BBQ until 2am
    – do not try to monitor your child’s ‘diet’ or soda intake. You will only be thwarted

  • This is true in so many ways. ….

  • LOL!!! Every thing he said is on point. Thanks for the laugh.

  • Congratulations for the publication!

  • Leroy B.

    Great job on this particular subject. But everybody knows bout that aluminum foil situation! Everybody’s sneakin some food out putting it on the side of the house and in purses. They will ask you if they can take their sick mama a plate and eat that shit on the way home! Yall know who you are. Just sayin.

    • BHBarnes

      And u know this man!!!!

  • BJ

    this is wayyy too funny. I don’t play Spades….it’s a blood sport!

  • Renee

    All true and hilarious! That Spades game can be cut throat and my family had the audacity to add bingo to the mix! Lol!

    • Phyllis Crudup

      Yes and fight over the $.50 gifts

  • Pockerface

    I can’t breathe, so funny!

  • BHBarnes

    That spades comment reminded me of my family who will not ask me to play cuz they know I haven’t LEARNT how to play that well even after all my years! So I just sit on the sidelines and go with the ones trotting back & forth to the liquor trunk. HA!!!

  • mary Lassiter

    This is genuis comedy. Too funny for words.

  • Phyllis Crudup

    The no cooking a…person always brings the store bought potato salad instead bringing the cups and plates.

  • Kennysgirl

    Best blog I’ve ever read!!!
    This is hilarious.

  • Deborah

    I am still laughing 10 min laters, I have seen it all.

  • Mrs. g

    Don’t go too hard on me but ummmmm I don’t get the “gospel music” one lol but that foil, them dominoes & spades!! ?? I can play the heck outta some dominoes but the dudes always get too mad bc im “light skinned” & they usually think I’m white so they think they gonna take all my money lmbo

  • Darlene

    So funny and true, but you forgot why you need so much foil is because at black cookout everybody takes a plate to go. Cover it in foil. Lol

  • Karen

    Hysterical. Question; is my family the only black family with the freaking fruit cake? You know the one. Its been on the table for years, arriving from the freezer from the year before. The top, nutless because that is just about the only thing edible on the damn thing. The rest is cut up wax fruit bits! And yes, we be out the aluminum. Probably why the thing never leaves the house ??

  • Patrice

    So the gospel music thing might mean that people are getting all in their feelings, feeling guilty about all the liquor they drank and food they snuck and whatever else they lied about during the cookout. Others are getting all judgemental cuz the get right with God music is on. At first I felt the post was stereotypical, but then I took a deep breath and acknowledged it’s really accurate. Sometimes the truth hurts (like during that shades game you suck at) and at the same time the truth is freakin hilarious.

  • From NYC Have good friends of many different races. The CP time thing … So I’m a White Lady but I sure learned to be more ‘time relaxed ‘ & thank God for learning from my other color friends! ❤️ Learning to be less rigid is a good thing.

  • Pieces of MiMi

    Oh my God. This is so wrong and right at the same time. I almost died over here.

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  • msb


    • Karen Byrd

      I’m never stereotypical but this is so true & FUNNY! I can’t stop laughing. I’m not American but hanging around Americans that’s my take on this LOL!

    • Sean

      This is is funny until you realize it’s a trending article. Who is trending it? Racist ass mofos saying ” See, See? Even black folks belittle and stereotype black folks.” But they aren’t saying black folks.?.!.?.! I’m ashamed this has caught national attention. Why feed racists with an Amos and Andy blog? What do I tell my sons about how to fight these stereotypes when black folks make them? Answers?

      • Amos Andy

        Go home Sean. You’re drunk.

      • Teach him who he is, so he can laugh at stuff like this, and take it as a grain of salt!

      • James ferguson

        Step away from the joint! LOL! You are experiencing a hightened sense of paranoia! It happens.

      • haley

        Being mixed and only around my black side, I DO understand these tips. There’s a certain way to approach and befriend people( of any culture and setting really), BUT at the same time it’s important to make people feel welcome at a cookout and not exclude someone for not being famIiar with your customs.
        I always knew these customs growing up and people get surprised because they assume I’m not black and treat me differently at first until they find out that I already know wassup.

        This article IS funny lol, but i think some people will take this as an actual guide when not all black cookouts are like this.
        At the end of the day tho it’s respectful to make guest feel comfortable no matter what race they are so that they can take to customs through experience just in case they aren’t familiar.
        Everyone would want the same curtousy if they were at a cookout with customs different to theirs.

      • Please relax….it’s all in jest and all in fun.

      • I agree.

      • Bill

        There is a difference between stereotyping in a funny “yeah, we all can laugh at that because its usually true” kind of way and stereotyping in a mean, cruel “you shouldn’t say that shit about anyone” kind of way. This is the former.

      • Trey

        No, it’s trending because it’s funny. My friend, who is black, posted it because he thinks it’s funny too. Not everything has to be a racial war.

      • Fee

        Neither myself or my peers are “stereotypical,” but it’s humor all of us can relate to an appreciate. I don’t know that I have ever shared a blog post so widely. I hear your point, I didn’t share it to my personal page because I didn’t want those who haven’t had these experiences to twist it into something ugly, when it’s really just brilliant humor.
        I felt so nostalgic reading it and shared it with those that would enjoy it. I have no shame when it comes to my “roots.”

      • Phillip

        Sean, go to a few Black BBQ, if anybody will invite you, THEN if you can’t see the humor in the satire of these kinds of articles execute your freedom to click on another link and leave the rest of us alone!! Wishing you better days bruh!!!

      • Bruh you lame

    • Yous Stupid lmao.

    • Teri Blaze

      I guess my family is not black. I have gone to urban cookouts and noticed some of the things you have described. I do not think it is a black thing. I think it is a class thing. Some of the situations you described are how low class people act regardless of race. I have gone to plenty ghetto hot mess gatherings. Since we are comparing black people to white people, which I hate especially when so called comedians make their own people out to be classless idiots, when going to a “white people’s” cookout, dinner party, gathering it is proper etiquette to ask the host what would they like for you to bring. If they say nothing, which most would, you are suppose to bring wine or a gift for the host. And no do not hide it in your trunk. Get a gift bag for it signifying it is a gift for the host. I was just kidding about the “white people’s” cookout it is customary to bring something for the host regardless of race.

      • Phillip

        TERI BLAZE please let the stick drop! Loosen up a little. Do you really think the author was providing a serious portrayal of all Black people and their outdoor eating habits, or just making satirical observations? Most of the readers got the joke. Sorry if you don’t. But as some of our less cultured friends would say. “Joke you if you cant take a ……..!! The rest of will be just fine without your condemnation.

    • LaRosa LeGree

      Baaaaaahaaa, this is halarious, true, and like it is….Oh, one more thing…WHITE PEOPLE DON’T BRING POTATO SALAD…y’all can’t make it. .

      • Cg

        I am white and live in a mostly white community and grew up in a nearly exclusively white town (not due to racism, only because Amish are European descent) and truer words have not been spoken. Our potato salad is awful on all fronts!

      • I can!!!

      • Rashad

        Loved it. Made my day. Funny in all aspects. Relaxing and not demeaning at all. Have a great night.

        An African American who loves great satire.

    • Kalvin_Chi

      Half of these are just plain racist remarks. I clean up playing spades and started playing as a kid with black people only… smh

    • Oh my gosh! This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! Hilarious!!!

  • Brian

    Last one I went to was a thanksgiving block party. Got in on some spades. Did a little shit talking, then helped my partner crush their little skills. Apparently I was expected to suck. Joke’s on them. Not black doesn’t mean can’t play spades. I’m a Marine. Whole lotta spades getting played in the barracks.

    • me

      Marines get a pass. Y’all down on ANY level because you know how to tear up some ish. Nobody is going to challenge the Marine. If someone is dumb enough to start talking ish…two things will happen…1) we will warn him that he is talking to a Marine and to sit down and shut up OR if he is the cousins bf that we don’t like or not sure if we like him. …we let you wear him out and when done say “he shouldn’t have f’in with a Marine.” So, you good. Lol

      • NC

        ME, That’s funny. Thanks for keeping it light. Why can’t we just take a joke for what it’s worth!?!?!?! It’s just a joke!!!!!!! I’d like to suggest that people get their panties out of a wad and relax enough to stop being a “WAD” and just move on.

        I’m black and my family cookouts are nothing like that. But I get it!! AND it’s funny! That’s all it is. It’s just funny. I guess your laughability depends on your “comfortability” (your ability to be comfortable enough with yourself that you are comfortable with others). That’s my word, I just made it up. LOL.

    • Valarie

      I know that’s right Brian. I’m black, and have seen some white folks play some serious spades. Thank you for your service btw. My father was a Marine.

  • Samuel

    Too Funny….didn’t know about the gospel music thingy tho….I’ll have to be on the look out on my next cook out….spades and dominoes is a lock for me….I’M JAMES….RFLLLLLOL

    • I couldnt stop laughing. He is speaking from experience heh! I had a good laugh. Yes my people are very funny and different in every way. Thats what makes us special

  • So damn true, and funny

  • mellocherry

    I was in tears reading this. We are some funny folks. Yeah, a tour guide is necessary . LMAO!!!?

    • William


  • brilliantly true and funny

  • Henri Sanders

    Mannnnnn! I’m still laughing because this is soooooo true!! Lmao!

  • Outstanding!

  • Dadise

    This article had me laughing out loud and reflecting on my childhood. It was such a pleasure to read and pretty much on point. Thank you.

  • William

    Wow,….lol I’d like to say there isn’t some truth to this but come on folks we’ve all been to THAT cookOUT! I watched a broths get beat down and his chain taken cause he played the wrong bone as a spinner ( if you’re not sure about what a bone or a spinner are see comment about NOT playing dominoes!).

  • Shelby

    I’m the white girl that’s always down on the block at the cookouts. This is absolutely hilarious and so true. This may sound crazy to some, but I am more comfortable with being around 200 black people, than I am 200 white people. The music thing is the TRUTH!! And I’m just not even gonna speak on my spade game. Lmao. I crack up every time I see a new white person down there bc you can tell they like “the hell is goin on?” Lol. I enjoyed this article 100%!!!

  • So on point. Hilarious

  • Tiffany

    Lmao…that’s funny stuff right there. I think if you can make fun of yourself and play with the thought of others, your allowed to do this! Itd be like me sayin “when you come to a white country cook out, bring something. We like black people. We got the meat. You got the sides, we can’t afford to feed all yall for free!” And everything else is great, only we can fight, and when you hear someone talk about your momma, they gonna beat the shit out of you! I guess we are a different kind of “white people” because black people like hanging out with us. ( I also have 3 mixed immediate family members and many other interracial Mexican and black races in my family as well) if you haven’t ever heard “black people song” or “white people song” please go YouTube it. You’ll love it if you love this!

  • Shrea

    This was so needed earlier this year. Could have been a awesome cookout conversation starter / stand up comedy moment. I will be sure to copy this one and save it for next year. I love my family and friend cookouts.

  • stan

    So while his is hilarious the “others” need to know there’s a lot of truth in them jokes.

  • I love the stereotypical assumption that “Black people can fight”. Obviously you have never seen two NBA players trying to punch each other on the court.

  • Ms. STL the Shoetriplady

    Laughter is the best medicine! Thanks for the meds.?☺??

  • Stephanie

    This has painfully accurate and hilarious!

    • Dee

      You r to funny. You been around black people long enough to no. One correction u don’t have to find a ballerina or choreographer just find another black person to show you how to wobble

  • Aunt Jamaica

    Very funny I enjoyed it laughed so hard I cried. Its nont a ghetto thing

  • Xolani

    This was absolutely hilarious because I can sooo relate. Thanks for articulating my experiences. I was at a cookout when I read this, and the host was fussing about the folks who showed up with nothing. I was one who already knew to park down the street. I sat back and watched as the day turned into night and music start changing. I put my church finger up and made my exit.

  • Very interesting article.

    I was curious to read it because of the author used Caucasian instead of ‘white’ in the title.

    However in the article itself he referred to African Americans as ‘blacks.’

    Using colors to identify Human Beings has always been a strategy to divide the Human Race.

    We can put one nail in the coffin of racism by stop calling people black and white.

    (Read the article below)

    • pimpshit

      nope. referred to them as black people… not blacks… CTRL+F and you fill find that you are the one who did that. I am black. My family is Lakota, I am the only one who looks like my Indian gradnfather (dark skin) so I am called black. The BMV wrote me down as black, it is just an identifier. I have a cousin (born of my uncle with the former slave father) who is white with blue eyes and black hair. she will never know what it is like to be discriminated against and both of her parents are black.

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  • Louis McKinzy

    All of that is so true funny but it’s all true yes yes. Do not play bidwiz do not play spades and for god sakes do not play dominoes if you have not a clue it’s not the fact that you’re ????????.
    And if by chance you are welcome into the fold and you’re having a good time please don’t let the wild turkey out of you and you say the magic word that’s usually what happens you know what I’m talking about hahahahaha

  • Koonta K

    Yessah my brotha! Dis be some mighty fine readin fo to have me a good laugh. Dem cracka ass dumb white folk be comin up in my babeque all the time wit dey hands empty lookin for handouts. Lucky Obama Lord and savior done gave me enough money in da welfare line so’s I can be affordin all dees ribs n shit.

  • KD

    Hilarious!!!! You should definitely pitch this to Anthony Anderson!!!! I would live to see this episode in Black-ish!!

  • Lola

    Well am dark skinned, and I can tell you that’s not how my family barbecues. Sorry to disappoint. But I can imagine that’s how it’s done by African Americans. Not hating at all, do your stuff folks.

  • My man, this was HILARIOUS!! Truth is often funnier than fiction I suppose. This was so good, I wish I wrote it. Good stuff bro!

  • I have forwarded this article to my friends, family and coworkers! Hilarious!

  • cookiegugglemanfleck

    As a white person I’m gonna print this out, laminate it and keep it in wallet so that I can refer to it when the situation calls.

  • The only tip white folks need to enjoy a black cookout is music. The moment it switches from Funkadelic to angry rap, run yo ass the hell away.

  • Nikki G

    I am white, but most of my friends are black so I have found myself at a lot of cookouts where I am the only white person there. I have more fun at the “black cookouts” then I do at a white one. I have never had a negative experience at one. You shouldn’t go to any get together without bringing something to contribute. In my experience all the people at a “black Cookout” are pretty laid back and fun. There is great music, lots of jokes, lots of alcohol, and lots of fun! This article was entertaining though.

  • Loved reading your blog, humorous and all the above is expected.

  • Anonymous

    To be honest this is all true…my bf is white. But with my guidance, they loved him. Mom’s side are all females who love to get drunk with fam but know how to keep their sanity. So they have alot of class and despise being ghetto unless either forced or even neccessary. They will only become ghetto to beat ghetto persons. Dad’s side is exactly how it’s described in the guide above. Everyone can become hostile when drinking. (Oh and fyi..ghetto means, ignorance personified. )

  • Hahaha this is hilarious and on point! Thanks for the laugh on a Friday at that. 🙂

  • This is so true and so funny!!!!! Put racism aside for once…This ish is all true!! I’m Black, and I’ll own this one!

  • David

    Funny! Even the sensitive people are funny in these replies. Good read to end my work week. My supervisor (WM) didn’t laugh LOL. I already shared this to Facebook after seeing one of my WHITE friends share it. See, people can take a joke. But then again he’s more urban than most white people I know. LOL

  • Stan

    This is funny as hell!

  • Oh man, this is too funny but all true!! My stomach hurts!! ? ?

  • Naida Rivera

    I’m Puerto Rican and this sounds like my family’s cookouts. ROFLMAO!

  • Queen Zaria of Amina

    I’m in tears…… i don’t know why i flat-lined on the potato salad with raisins lmao and the part about Tasha’s boyfriend lol everyone knows its always a newbie or not yet fully family fellow that begs for drank at any and every occasion lmao

  • Roger

    I was a white press deputy for a black Los Angeles city councilman. Yes, this IS hilarious and, oh, so true. I remember the many black barbeques I went to. I did park a block away, but, after the first time, I made certain I had some booze with me and, (lol) it was in the trunk for those who wanted something alcoholic away from the non-alcoholic gatherings. The councilman would say, “I don’t know why the brothers like you so much, Roger, but, they always want me to bring you back.”

  • YOU KNOW DAMN WELL!!! Black Thanksgiving involves sweet potato pie and cognac. . Pound cake? I don’t know about that I’m a midwest baby.
    Plus everybody knows the party is overs when you hear a gun shot. whether it’s from your current party or it’s a block or two away. Even if you just got there, leave promptly and try not to witness anything.(P.S. only place I find the designated driver drinking as heavy as their passengers)

  • who is the photographer of this pic?

  • Rude

    This is some racist bullshit. It comes from all directions and will never end with this stereotypical banter. The more separation there is the worse if we are as a people. Can’ anyone see this?

    • Another primer: RACISM is prejudice…plus Power. This article is humor based is a self-deprecating cultural humor of stereotypes that are sometimes true. The only problem with stereotypes is when people take them seriously and think that’s ALL there is to a whole group of people instead of letting folks be individuals. But Racist? Nah. Nothing in this article is gonna deny someone a loan or turn them away from a job interview because their name is Tyrone.

  • I laughed, as I was supposed to.
    I didn’t get my little panties in a knot, I just laughed… as I was supposed to.

  • boydjarvis

    Ilove it very funny stuff and most of it true. 🙂 But as folks said its all in fun. So dont get Yo panties in a bunch!

  • C Griffin

    If you are a white southerner, and raised in the country by from scratch-cookin’ grandma, I ‘spect you can bring potato salad and get away with it. And don’t say nothin’ unless you know what chitlins are and have eaten them.


  • Daniell

    Super funny lol

  • D0Ver1

    So true, So true,,,,, these are why Cookouts are so much fun.

  • I suspect Michael Harriot may have had a white person help him write this one:
    Clue # 1 “ploys by hosts to get free aluminum foil”

    Black people know, foil is used to take plate home!

    Clue # 2 “let James them run a Boston on you”

    Black version: “Specially after you let James an dem run a Boston on yo dumb ass”

    • Colin

      Exactly, we all know what the foil is for…
      “Before I go lemme just get a plate of Aunt ‘Chele’s potato salad. And dinner for Grandma. And Grandma’s gonna want some potato salad too. And Rick’s gonna want some of those ribs. And some for Li’l Rick, too. Better get a third plate of that potato salad while I’m at it…”
      That foil goes QUICK.

    • Gina Colon

      I agree. I thought it sounded off too, but I didn’t know why. LOL

    • Janet

      Not Pound Cake. We substituted that years ago with Sweet Potato Pie and Red Velvet Cake

      • Phyllisa


      • I’ve been to one black Thanksgiving .. I was made to eat the sweet potato pie. I’m not mad

      • Shennan

        We still have that good ole’ 7-up pound cake at the cookouts I go to with the lemon glaze on top.

  • we have white folks at our functions all of the time and nothing ever happens except we eat dance drink laugh and go home…maybe not all but most.

    • Yvon

      You are taking this too literal. I have several races and ethnicities in my homes, throughout my life, without any problems. This is a work of humor.

  • Fabiola

    Been at work all day, 11 hrs so far and about 5 more to go, this had me laughing, needed it. Can u imagine!!! The part about the time is so true. But the people w the worst time for any gatherings or cookouts are Haitians; u say 5pm, everyone show up at 9p n u better, u go anytime before that, you will either end up helping cook or stay hungry for four hours, while u wait ☺

    • yoyo

      Exactly! I was in tears laughn at this.

      • Jay

        D@MN! So was I-! No, wait..uhhh..Yo, Bruh! Me too-!

  • Louise

    somma dem ribs


    Someone please invite me to their bbq. I think im ready now. Jk been to many black bbqs and its always a good time.

    Much love.

    • Mia

      Clearly you learned nothing…IT’S A COOKOUT!

  • One And A Possible…

    I’m convinced that Michael Harriot is white and he’s never been to a “black barbecue”.
    #4 is spot on and I’m giving partial credit for #10.

    Das da bes I can do!

  • Keeb

    That was the funniest thing I’ve read all year!

  • Robbin

    My daughter forwarded this to me. I truly got a good laugh!

  • Spot on!! Dem ribs good. Any mo left?

  • Lorthia R Clark

    Now you all know in real life that the interracial couples of today could probably teach us something but anyway this story was too funny ???

  • Black Thanksgiving pound cake, really? No boo boo, sweet potatoes pie, lemonade or tea..

    • Sue

      I’m white, and even I knew the pound cake was ‘off.’ Sweet potato pie is what I was guessing, too. 🙂

    • ….and do you have a paper sack with a handle on it so I can carry all this shit? No! Well get me a garbage bag! lol

    • Janet

      Don’t forget the Red Velvet Cake


  • I was crying real tears and screaming the first time I read this. The second time I read it, I couldn’t scream laugh and wake up everybody in the house. Braids to tight. LMAOOO

  • Its a cookOUT

    “Just wait… Ignore your white people instincts”

    Truth hurts.. lol. I have the instincts. Wait.. good advice. And lol.. come to my car with me.. haha.. word

  • Liranda Colema

    This had me weak, mainly because it’s mostly absurd and intrue, but has probably happened or happens where the unintelligent reside! Still had me laughing and coughing!

  • Debra

    Should have been working, got bored went to FB….I was in Tears and so was everyone else that read this….for the record the last family gathering I went to I brought regular, heavy duty and aluminum foil sheets

  • we don’t the bring foil anymore we have styrofoam 3 divided plate with the fold over top

    • Gina

      Yes, there is no more “TO GO PLATES” It’s “TO GO BOXES”!! I don’t know when or where that started, but I was @a birthday party Labor Day. No foil, just boxes!

  • Herbert

    That was some funny shit. Especially since me and my wife just went to a white BBQ and I asked for a to go plate, and guess what. aluminum foil. ..still had a great TIME!

  • jasonmgraff

    After the first cookout with my wife’s family, she asked me how it felt to be the only white person in the room. I said, everyone was nice but it was still kinda weird. She just said, “Good, now you know.”

    I had never seen a whole family dance in the living room before that day.

  • very entertaining laughing/hollering my lungs out. GREAT reading It’s just like most of us Blacks, Sweet potato pies, yes Mac and Cheese, Collard Greens, Ribs, bake beans, etc. just saying this is the Menu.

  • Family BBQ

    After a 12 hour stressful, agitated, annoying work day, with some insensitive folks, only to climb in bed after a refreshing shower to realize menopausal insomnia has come to visit and No time soon am I falling to sleep; I decided to creep Facebook and stumbled across this snippet…….I laughed so hard I’m exhausted….. “Great Comedy”?????

  • Pingback: “The Caucasian’s Guide to Black Barbecues” by Bojangles Himself |()

  • Jackii

    you know we make 7up cakes and sweet potato pie…

  • The food sounds great!!!! I laughed and laughed!!!!!! Real tears too!!!!!

  • Tony

    I must b white cause we don’t do tht bs he say blacks do but I am Jamaican

  • RK Alex

    This Dude goes to cookouts in the “Hood”, , or is dating below his age and well below his economic level. Black people don’t care for the boyfriend who drinks everybody else’s liquor. After his 2nd event, we hope he don’t come back. B/c that’s the same dude who takes home his unconsumed 2 liter Coke. ( aka chaser). This was funny to read.

  • Renita

    He was not lying about that spades table. I happen to be black and can’t play spades. It’s a very Lonely and abandoned feeling when your the only one at the spades table who can’t play (flashes back to previous horrors)

  • MLR

    I am black, I can not play spades, dominoes or do any of the line dances. I have probably spend to much time at White barbeques. I am usually the only black there.

  • Michael

    I have white famile an 4 milato children who are grown & gone they learned how to cook from there Caucasian mother she’s a great cook, somewhere along the line something went wrong. . I have to be careful what i eat most of the dishes i dont know what they are..

    • Hi Michael…I do not know you yet but like a trillion other people I shared this on my fb page simply because it is the funniest and truest thing ever. An agent friend of mine (Arielle Eckstut), left this comment on my page and I wanted to pass it on to you just in case it wasn’t quite on your radar: “Tinesha, I don’t know if you know the person who wrote this, but he could definitely turn this into a book. If you are friends, and he’s interested, show him…/dp/0761158405, which would be a great model and sold gazillions of copies.”

  • Karen

    I have read this at least three times and LMBO!!!! I shared it on FB and it has brought laughter to so many! I’d love to read more!

  • Amberw.

    I grew up in a neighborhood where we were the only white family. But we were a neighborhood/family fyi I was knowing how too play spades very long and my uncle Bryan would always pull the bottles out of his hiding spot after momma teamer went to bed. And old skool was always on…. Our families did have moments when we kind kid looked like WTF but when out was at our home things changed they had that Wtf look!!! This is the things I miss about my home town now I live in a neighborhood of cranky white people who hate when I blast 2$#07t

  • Peaches

    This was 90% on point about the spades and take home plates…omg!! Keeping all nationalities informed may shock some, but none the less, this isn’t always deep hood issues, it’s just ridiculously hilarious and get that book in the makings!!! It may become a sitcom on Blackish !!! #Enjoyed this

  • Errine

    What you mean you don’t know what happens to the foil? To go dinners for the next three days…

  • Monica

    Toooo hilarious. I’m still laughing. One thing that I’ve learned is to hide my foil !!!!!!


    OMG everything was true and to the point. Not to mention FUNNY AS HELL!!!!

  • Cornelius Stewart

    The two things I agree with is the foil to take a plate or two or three home and don’t play spades cause I don’t care how good you are when you play a game that requires a partner you will not only get punked by getting a Boston run on yo ass (not if but when cause you will get a Boston run on you) but yo partner will also be calling you a bitch for the renege. I love spades but way too much shit talking for me. Now Dominoes bring it on Bitches cause its cut throat I don’t need a partner to get my ass kicked. and if you get punked you have nobody to blame but yo self.

  • Almeta

    I do not know how to play spades either but one day they needed another person to play,” God bless the dead”, my Aunt Bernice made me play and under that table I got the worst ankle kicking of my life when I threw out the wrong card. She was the best and we still won. Now, When the rest of the family start playing, I go and hide. I am 60 yrs old today and my ankles are still weak and I still can’t play
    . lmao

  • Almeta

    Hide what foil, where I work, they bring their own foil or have their own carry out plates. I am a teacher. Now, hi bout dat… Messy

  • David Cifuentes

    Ok. I gotta know. What the heck is a Boston?! Is it a like a “Loner” in euchre?

    • Gina

      Boston is when the other team takes all the books!!

  • Karl

    Lol…yeh me and my brother just had a general consensus and this shit’s pretty accurate! Around my parts pound cake (lemon,7up, and Sock-it-to-Me Cake,etc) are a weekly deal(sweet potato and pecan pie rule the holidays), we usually drink punch mixed with Sprite or Ginger Ale, usually there is a liquor table and someone usually hides the good stuff for when people are gone! And yes you bring a dish but damn it stay away for potato and pasta salad or mac and cheese cause usually we wait on Aunt Clara or Grandma cause everyone in the whole community knows they shit is da bomb and you don’t want to get known as that person who’s shit is always left over! Oh and we all know it’s the electric slide…guys just sit around and look at the women do the Wobble (Electric slide comes on and you see people jumping out windows,busting down doors all for the best spot to show off that new move they added this year! And as the evening goes on the cookout usually gets divided into factions which are Drinkers,Smokers and the Reminiscent! (Back in the day-ers) And if you have to ask what the foil is for then you’re probably going home empty handed…me I got 3 plates; 2 filled with food and 1 for desserts) I have a soda in my pocket and I’m balancing a cup of punch on my plate with my mouth as I mumble catch y’all later! And it’s only a proper party when someone falls or bust dey ass usually that uncle or your cousin’s new girlfriend who got suckered into trying to keep up with ya aunts drinking (who’s like 300 or 400 hundred bbqs deep) and she slowly realizes that their pros and she made a horrible error in judgement and usually throws-up everywhere and the has to leave early and she’s always crying “Do you think they liked me?” Oh..are we the only one’s who make Hunch-Punch lmao!

    • Gina

      DEAD ON KARL!! Especially the the dividing into sections! Lmbo!!

    • Lisa

      @Karl—you’ve got me in tears. Conversely, I have an off-brand, fruit punch can of soda in my purse, 2-pieces of pound cake stacked on a Styrofoam saucer covered by a napkin, cause the foil ran out, holding a plate of ribs and beans (I love baked beans, so I always take those) wrapped in a napkins, napkins getting wet from bean juice…because foil is gone. And I’m balancing a cup of punch on my plate with my mouth as I say a respectful ‘goodbye’ to the key elders in the room and then say bye y’all” to erybody else.

  • Karl

    David; a Boston is all 13 books and a Wheel is 10 books…this feels so weird but it cool lol!

  • jojoe2012

    The replies were so interesting. I loved the diversity of the comments. Yes, it was funny post but I remember when our family brought a smoked turkey to a BBQ and no one understood it because they kept asking for the BBQ sauce. Well, no sauce folks, it’s smoked in an oak barrel for two days delicious but not the southern cooking style.. northeast all the way. Everyone took some home though.. makes great sandwiches

  • I fell off my computer chair laughing. nothing but pure dee humor and I loved every minute of it. brings back the days. thank you thank you for brightening up my day.

  • isonprize

    HILARIOUS!! And with some regional changes, it’s perfect. Swap Spades for Pinochle and Sweet potato pie for pound cake, and it’s all good. Certain elements of this article have happened at damn hear every cookout I have ever been to. Well, except a fight, but then I have always had the spidey senses for when to leave ANY outdoor event, so something may have gone down after I left!! LOLOL

  • Unya

    I thought this was very funny and accurate… Again, I was thinking everyone knowssss what the foil is for.. They be like “where da foil at” or “aye let me get a plate to take home. I didn’t know what the Boston was… I’m black and i can’t play spades well I “learned” but still not good enough to play at the cookout. The music was section was true as well I can just picture that. Oh n the drunken uncle yesss. I enjoyed this.

  • Bob McAulvey

    Thank goodness for the comments. Since I’d never been to an event like the one described here, I was seriously questioning my ethnicity. I don’t know why anyone would ever return.

  • Big D

    Man….dis ish was almost spot on with a couple exceptions….1 the gospel music is playing while gran mommy fixin pies and pound cake.

    You know shit Finna go down when yo cousin show up with his “boys” with 40’s and MD 20/20 and a bag of herb. Sayin cut off that weak ass shit and then on comes NWA, Tupac and DMX that’s that angry ass music that get people wantin to chunk em!

    If you don’t understand my ebonics then you prolly should keep your happy ass home.

  • Horndviking

    Damn. I needed to have read this article last week. I was invited to a black cookout on Labor Day and according to this article, I don’t think I will be invited again next year.

  • April

    I loved it! I damn near fell out my seat laughing! Another tip: If Auntie bust out with “A Charge to keep I have” you should have been gone 10mins ago!

  • Bob

    OK, I’m a white dude and I took notes. Good stuff there but I take exception to number six. Almost any Air Force vet of any heritage can hold his own when it comes to spades. All spades players matter.

  • Mike

    Is the tin foil still as important if “The chicken tastes like wooood.” ?

  • Wilma

    Hey! What about bid whist? And they are right about the styrofoam to go plates (with the tops). Yup! And it is sweet potato pie (holidays), mac n cheese (always), greens or green bean (w/ potatoes in the beans) and corn bread…heavy sigh…

  • Eddie Williams

    Very Informative

  • I’m dying of laughter?… thnx for the info

  • So I, a super-white woman, married a black man and for reasons I can’t remember had 9 children with him. As a result, I have learned the hard way about black cookouts and parties where I invited black folks. Like when we got to a cook out on time and the grill wasn’t even heated up and I brought my family hungry. Like when I said Thanksgiving dinner was at 6 and was putting hot biscuits on the table at 6 because, well.. I said dinner was at 6, and no guests were there till after 7. Like when a black guest asked for a “plate”? Excuse me? You are taking my leftovers to your house? Have you lost your mind? I have 9 kids and white folks LEAVE their food with the host! You don’t take the leftovers! Like when I found out you don’t talk at cookouts unless you yell because the music is too loud. Like when I thought there was a riot in the alley, then I realized all the men from the cookout were smoking over there. (I didn’t call the cops, but you know… bunch of black men, all standing together… I got “concerned” like white folks do and wanted to help out the community.) OK, that’s totally a lie, but still funny. Like the time my Bible study ladies came over and I cooked white people food, but they brought food anyway (I guess they knew I was making white people food). And they all ate fried chicken, mac and cheese, and greens and NEVER touched my food and then had the audacity to NOT ask for a plate! Yup. Twenty years of this.. So I lie about dinner time, always get out the foil, don’t expect leftovers when I have dinner guests, feed my kids before we leave late for a cookout, and learned how to make fried fish, mac and cheese, greens, and sweet tea!

    • BIG props 2u super (white) woman! (lol)

      • Sandy

        Too funny!

    • Kaamilya

      Lol! You’ve pretty much mastered it!

    • Truth,that was funny Lol!!!!

    • Lisa

      Hilarious! That was great. 🙂

    • Paul Bauermeister

      Now that is truly funny …. U go snow bunny ….as they would say ( LMFAO)

      • My husband calls me that . I think it is so funny and I don’t know why!

    • Darrell

      I love it so true and right on the money!

    • MsDragonSlayer

      I never like the idea that when black people go to white peoples hosted events, that whites have to cater to THEM. It’s called cross-cultural respect, I expect certain things when I go to BLACK events and I expect they learn how to act at WHITE events. (any other cultural besides their own)

      Many years ago, my white/native friend hosted a Christmas dinner at her place (we grew up with white people Christmas traditions) and everyone was dating black guys at the time. When I arrived at her place, there was rap music being played, dominoes out on the table, basketball playing on the TV and all Black culture food. No turkey, no ham, no mashed potatoes and gravy, nothing! Everyone dressed up like bums and nothing remotely felt like our Traditional Christmas was happening. I was pissed to say the least. I had to have a talk with her about having some self-respect for ourselves. These men choose to date non-black women, and we chose to date them but I was not gong to put up with having to lose who we were and how we were raised to make them “feel” better.

      The thing I learned about that day was that if I was going to ever be in a cross-cultural relationship with anyone, they better be ready to respect my culture as well. I would expect to attend a black event and know to follow the hosts cultural identity and customs BUT I also expect them to know and respect mine. We don’t show up late, we dress for the event, we respect the hosts cultural upbringing and show it some respect., we bring the host a gift and food (potluck), we don’t ask for a “plate”, we help with the dishes and the clean up. If you can’t do that then you do not attend.

      I don’t like the idea that we have to put up with poor behavior and manners just because someone was brought up different and that is okay with their people. Respect is a two-way street.

      • Maybe you and your friends need to be more discerning about the class of people you hang out with and fetishize, then. Not all black guys are like that, but here’s a news flash: if you and your friends are into bad boys and some fantasy you see on a rap video, don’t be surprised if you wind up with some shallow stereotypes who are what you seem to want in EVERY OTHER WAY except for how they behave at Christmas dinner — and don’t have the nerve to blame them for being what you apparently wanted them to be. You want a companion that’s going to do exactly what you want how and when you want it at all times? Buy a goddamn dog.

      • I absolutely agree with you , but in this case, most of the events were my husband’s family functions. I have been extremely careful to try to be respectful of them and not to take anything to much to heart. I feel pretty strongly that I oughtn’t make waves with his people, though I haven’t been entirely effective. How I interacted with my black friends is different. I have explained my own cultural norms to them so that my white friends wouldn’t be offended and neither would I. I just didn’t feel it was right to address it with my husband’s family.

      • Afrodizziac

        Msdragonslayer I find your comment to be hostile when it didn’t need to be. Momof6boys3girls was able to quite adequately describe her experiences and match the tone of the original article which was informative and in good jest without prejudice and disdain. Your comment had a lot of judgement, generalizations and negative connotations. I particularly found the comment on other blacks having no manners to be very offensive.
        FYI, I always dress up at Christmas, I never turn up to a function empty handed and I don’t take over someone space as if it’s my own. I have reason to believe that Peter Ramsey has a point about the company you keep.

        In a country where white culture is the norm, whether you choose to believe it or not, non whites have to “respect” the culture wherever we go and whatever we do ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME. I don’t believe there is much “catering” that whites have to do for non whites..!! I find you to be rude and that your manners are not in line for “respecting” anything outside your norm. It seems you haven’t contemplated that manners is a broader term than you realize and that there are probably plenty things that you do and say that offend someone with a different background or culture from yours.

      • Danie

        My family that is black dresses up for Thanksgiving & Christmas dinners and there is always ham, turkey, mashed potatoes & gravy so I have no clue where you get off saying that we should have the respect for you. You went to someone’s gathering thinking it was yours. Everyone no matter the colorhave different holiday traditions and if you expect someone to respect your ways then respect others ways.

      • Dupree Jarvis

        Ignorance is a disease.


      • Nikki A

        Please don’t sum up majority of black people based of those guys. To be honest everyone around me was raised to dress up when heading out to anyone’s event because your representing yourself and your family.

      • You sound racist as hell. You have obviously never been around black people or had any association with blacks in general for you to make the ignorant remarks you did. You are probably like a lot of dumb white women who date a black man just to try them out (for the dick) because all your other racist white friends are doing it. So apparently, you picked the bottom of the barrel just like they did with you. lmao!

      • Aprilcontessa

        MSDRAGONSLAYER…you draw in accurate conclusions about all Black people based on your one young experience.
        I assure you most of buy turkeys like you do…have you been to a grocery store near Thanksgiving. We do have traditional dinners like you all do. You have green bean casserole and we have greens like spinach or collard greens, mac and cheese, stuffing…i mean its thanksgiving. We usually dress up or at least look presentable. It just seem ridiculous to even respond to this post. We pray before our meals, we discuss what we are grateful about. My family hadnt really done a line dance but we may settle in and watch football or a movie or just fellowship.#schooled

    • ilamaj

      You’re the real MVP! ??

    • veronica


    • Dove

      Haha! Im a super white woman who has a child with a black man also…. My favorite time ever was when I invited his family for Thanksgiving… And they all pretty much shoved me out of my own kitchen and cooked dinner at my house. They sent ME to the store twice ( For tinfoil and butter)!

      • Don’t be a quitter! one child… come on now. lol The fact that you got sent to the store for tinfoil kills me.

      • Too funny!!!!

    • Kkd

      Omg! You have lived my life except I got ten years on you?. I share with you my CP thanksgiving story. Growing up having dinner shortly after morning mass, I planned to eat at 2pm. No one showed up til 5 pm!! After 25 years my husband still doesn’t understand why I cried myself to sleep that night. I too, now lie about what time dinner will be served?. And always feed my family before we go to any CP INVITE

    • D

      Too, too funny! Certainly, you’ve earned “honorary black woman” status at this point. ??? #welcometotheotherside

      • Dupree Jarvis

        I’m with you

      • When I hang out with black ladies and I say I am married to a black man, they always say,”I KNEW it!” It can’t be my outfits because I dress so…. well, let’s just say that my husband doesn’t pick out my clothes. So what does this mean? It’s a mystery.

    • I dont know you but I love you

      • I’m still, after 24yrs, trying to figure out why when I say I’m married to a black man I too get the same “I knew it” comment…they think my attitude comes from being with a black man, when in fact I’ve been this Wat my WHOLE life…I just don’t get it

    • Olum S.


    • Donna McDevitt


    • Janet

      You are too funny!

    • Shelly

      Smart girl!

    • Shelle Coleman


    • M.L.Artis

      You have tickled meeee!!!!!
      Never touched my food and then had the audacity to not ask for a plate!

    • grathom

      No more kids lady.

      • Don’t worry. We won’t ask you to babysit.

      • mamajana

        What is up with Grathom? Why are you monitoring her fertility. What do you care, you don’t have to take care of them!

    • Silk



  • Darling

    Love Love Love it!! The only thing I didn’t see was one of the young folk gonna throw an areosol can in the fire pit, just because……

  • Renee Brown

    I really enjoyed your article…however, being a white woman married to a black man for 20 years raising our 6 black children, I believe I have a very different perspective. A lot of your statements are dead on, however some of them incorrect. If you would like to discuss my experiences feel free to contact me.

    • Janet

      Huh? It was supposed o be funny!

    • Silk

      They were kind of like….jokes

  • That’s how we do it!!!

  • gi gi

    I CANNOT stop laughing. Thanks …so cleansing after a tough day. I am a black Woman married to a black man . a lot of what you say is so true from childhood up to now, but ironically most of my close friends would kill me if I brought food and we drink a variety of drinks besides dark liquor and eat a lot of healthy food besides greens , alongside the fried chicken and mac and cheese …but you are spot- on in your comic timing, use of the black English Vernacular and Jerome , and “tinsfoil”.. this would be perfect for stand up comedy or a documentary or novel. What a deep belly laugh thanks for the gift!

  • EJH

    Thanks for the guide. All so true in my experience!

    As a Caucasian who goes to a lot of “black” events, there are a couple of things I can add:
    1) There are some things white people SHOULD NOT BRING to a cookout. A few of them are: deviled eggs, potato salad, macaroni salad, and sweet potato pie. Nobody will eat it if they know you made it.
    2) If a group is “going for a walk” or “going out to the shed” they’re not really going for a walk.
    4) At indoor events the TV will always be on and will always be too loud. Often the TV and the music are both on at the same time and are loud. Get over it. Also, DO NOT TOUCH that remote.
    5) The people who talk about church the most are also the ones who gossip the most. Best to excuse yourself from those conversations. Whatever you do, don’t express your opinions in this forum.
    6) Everybody greets each person individually before coming or going. Start leaving at least half an hour before you want to leave. Also, you’ll probably have to give auntie so-and-so a ride home.

    • Kaamilya

      ???? @ “going out to the shed “!

    • Lisa

      @EJH — Hahahaha! ‘Who’s gon’ take Aunt Ann back to her house’ — was the question at the close of the evening’s activities my family had a few weeks ago. 🙂 🙂

    • DrUBanks

      Lol… I always felt like I was running a taxi service and no one gives cash for gas!

    • Afrodizziac

      LOL! Yes!!!

    • If I may add one more to your excellent list, White people should not bring watermelon. My bf, almost as pale as me, and I went to a gathering once, hadn’t made anything to take, didn’t know about aluminum foil, it was a very hot day and watermelon is refreshing and easy. That’s all I was thinking – really – but when we walked in with two large watermelons, conversation stopped, there was an instant wave of disbelief/tension, then the whole party cracked up laughing. Fortunately. And we ate all the watermelon.

      • grathom

        Hey thanks for the advice, Susan. What is the next useful tidbit, will you tell us not to call them coons?

        • Wow! That’s mean and unwarranted. Glad you weren’t there.

        • Gracie

          That really was completely out of line.

      • mamajana

        Wow, Grathom, where did that come from? You need to get a grip. She’s right, easily could have been an issue. I was surprised to hear my sister say she does not eat watermelon in pubic!

  • Aussie97

    I have experienced most of this. As an Aussie who was married to a black man for 12 years and had to learn the hard way. Mostly his family had nothing to say to me as we had NOTHING in common. Me from a surfing town on the coast of Australia and “the family” from the deep dark doldrums of Mississippi. I thought I had died and gone to Harper Lee’s To Kill A Mocking Bird”. Not only did not understand the “speak” I didn’t understand the culture. Needless to say we divorced after 12 years and glad to say I am back in my surf coast town. Sorry.

  • AJ Anderson

    Excellent piece. I Am still laughing.

  • I’m so glad somebody came up with a viable game plan. Now, I can just print a copy for my global homies. Can you please write one for Girls Night Out? Please and Thank you…lol.

    • D

      Need The Caucasians’ (or non-black) Guide to Funerals!

      • D

        Excuse me…Black Funerals. Lol!

      • Lol!

      • mamajana

        Puts me in mind of a meeting I had with supervisors where we were trying to update our bereavement policy that would allow enough time off without being excessive. One of the white supersivors said, “Now what if the empoyee is Black?” There was shocked silence and then everyone started hysterically laughing! Sometimes Black funerals would take two weeks cause they had to wait for Pookie ‘nim to drive from halfway across the country. My favorite was when an employee’s family member was sitting in the front row in handcuffs!

  • robert

    You completely forgot about the thunderbird or nighttrain or the infamous mad dog 2020 and Rollin dem bones in da driveway.

  • Throughly enjoyed your writing style and comedic approach, so as not to offend…

  • Sunil

    I muss my people’s parties

  • Anita

    So funny I unfortunately missed out on these famous cookouts but I’ve heard a lot about them.

  • This was absolutely, positively hilarious and totally spot on

  • Layla

    Some topics are just conversations that should stay between black people. I think you’re an ignorant Uncle Tom author trying to gain comedic response from white people by selling out your own race, so you sir, are a dumb n** in my book.

    • Wilma

      Layla…Layla…Layla…why get your undies in a bunch over something that, to every other person who commented, was humorous. If you didn’t think it was funny, you could easily have kept on steppin’ or scrolling’ or whatever. There was no need, whatsoever, for you to comment or to name call. Your name calling reflects more on you and your lack of character than to anyone who commented on this funny discourse. Shame on you…

      • Here! Here!

      • Gracie

        If more people were able to laugh at themselves this world would be a far better place! Loosen up. This was informative and funny. I’m glow in the dark Irish and I can talk about the shenanigans we get up to without feeling like I’m selling out my culture or letting deep dark secrets out of the bag. This is exactly the kind of thing people need to tear down the walls of hatred. Clearly Layla, you like living behind those walls. You have no idea how much you’re missing!

      • Silk

        Exactly! I hope someone hugs her and tells her she is loved.

      • YEP

    • Janet

      Girl, get a grip! Since when? Have you never watched a Black comedian, oh like Redd Foxx, Richard Prior, Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Cedric, Kevin, etc.? Or White southern comedians like Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, etc.? Or all of the great Jewish comedians like Myron Cohen, Woody Allen, Larry David, Jackie Mason, etc. Ethnic humor is as old as time itself. Your Black self-hatred is palpable. Again, get a grip!

  • Steven “Twig” Owens

    Funny as hell, black folks are the most fun loving people on the planet! We will kick your ass and love you all at the same time! All my uncles were a trip. Now that I’m an uncle my brothers and I are the crazy ass uncles!!! Love my people to def!!!



  • Odetta

    This must be the Southern guide.

    • Roshi

      Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. My dad’s side of the family is from Philly and my mom’s side is from San Diego. Our family functions are definitely more fun loving compared to some of the white functions I’ve been to. I’ve dated mostly white boys for the majority of my romantic career. I can honestly say the only difference in the food was how it was prepared, but basically it was the same dishes. Sooo, I figured this is some sort of deep south guide.

  • Toni

    Oh, you like thugs, huh?

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  • Ellie Oxnard

    I learned the difference between BBQ and cookout yesterday. Can’t stop laughing at this article now! My store bought potato salad languished in the fridge because Mama P. made so much Homemade salad that tasted 10x better. But now I don’t feel so bad about taking the potato salad back home. Tons of fried chicken, fried catfish, and mac & cheese were awesome. All TV’s were going in all rooms and they even ran 300 foot of wire to have a tv in the backyard. Let’s not forget the start time changed three times and I was still the first one to arrive even though I thought I was 30 minutes late running on white people time.

  • LW

    Comment to the commentators: Cultural differences makes the world a more interesting place. Love yourself, embrace your culture, and learn to respect and appreciate the cultural differences of others. Note to the author: Thanks for the laughs! No harm, no foul. God Bless!

  • cedrick Haywood

    As a black Englishman, I have always found it intimidating whenever I go to a cookout.
    By the way what does G.O.A.T stands for?
    Black English

    • Sophia

      GOAT=think Ali.

      P. S. Do you look like Idris Elba…at all? If not, how much do you sound like him?? Asking for a friend…

    • kenediid

      Greatest of all time.

    • David Cifuentes

      Greatest Of All Time

    • Janet

      G.O.A.T. = Greatest Of All Time

  • Melanie

    Also, if you show up on time for a cookout, you’ll definitely be hungry if you didn’t eat first, put to work to help with setting up, and probably sent on a run to the store (yes, to pay for whatever is needed with your own money). That’s what you get for inconveniencing the host by showing up at, or within 30 minutes of the stated invite start time.

    • Silk

      YES! He left out if you ate one of the cost to arrive or call you WILL be picking up something from the store.! This article was so funny!

  • loved reading this, such a laugh! thank you

  • Karen

    Loved it loved it loved it! Read it everyday for a cleansing of the soul!!! So true with all the observations and only one negative comment out of the bunch!!! I always plan my activities two hours earlier cuz I know what time folks will really arrive! Lol lol

  • Tam

    Definate culture shock for me! I thought a cookout was suppossed to be fun and enjoyable. A time to relax and enjoy and commiserate. I went to a white northern cookout (’cause a white southern bbq is much different) and it seemed like everyone had a stick up their hind parts. Pissing competitions and keeping up with the jones stories-I can get that at work! Very quite -very reserved…all the food was cassarole-ish (what kinda lazy is the one dish meal about?)…lol. Also white cookouts are considerably shorter than black cookouts-which is a good thing because you’ll be bored as hell talking about the newest fitbit and/or iphone models.
    Yes our summer time cookouts are very different…lol!

    • samijo

      I am white been married 30 years to my black husband. Love CP cookouts way better than white people, whites are stuffy. I host a lot of cookouts and have a mix of ethnicity, I embrace all cultural differences. And everyone loves my cooking including CP.

    • witchsistah

      I’m with you. White Northerners and Midwesterners throw “barbecues” (which is basically them throwing some unseasoned, unprepared meat on the grill, and usually only burgers, dogs or chicken) like they really don’t want folks at their house.

  • april Toomey

    Also white people – If someone asks you to “fix ’em a plate at a CP BBQ, 1. they want a little of everything and 2. they want big servings. I learned my lesson putting a small sampling on my friend’s Aunt’s plate. #neveragain

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  • Keith

    Brings back a lot of good memories. Thanks for the article. Whites can play dominoes and spades too you know. I was raised on those games and would never back down from a game.

  • I’m gonna play spades and bones and talk sh*t while doing it LOL. Good call on the tin foil though.

  • As I was reading your BBQ post, shared with me by a co-worker, I just kept thinking how similar our cook-outs are. I would just add that if you bring something in a container be prepared to never see that container again. And I’m thinking our bon fire is equal to spades or dominoes. Don’t go near the fire while the white boys are lighting it. The drunker they are, the larger it gets.
    Fun post!

    • mamajana

      So true! I find myself constantly looking for my one-of-a-kindTupperware bowl that you can’t buy any more, constantly trying to keep it in my sight!

  • Benita Clark

    I’m a black woman and you hit it on the nail about black peoples and our cookout I enjoy reading it because it was so true . I personally didn’t see anything wrong with what you said . You just keeping it real ha ha lol

  • great article!!!… i have to say pretty much reflects the pattern of black BBQs in most parts the world…except the music and fighting part (which is most likely ensue if you drink the strongest indigenous brew in some African country) and spades/dominoes. I have enjoyed black barbecues all over the world hosted by black-americans, africans from all the five regions, the caribbean folks. but caribbean folks are THE BEST at hosting bbqs/cookouts. the only thing i couldn’t stand at a bbq in asia and still can’t stand in europe is a conversation with this one mixed race “new friend” who wants to bore you to death talking about African wars and famines of the 70s and 80s. #always_find_a_reason_to_ditch_them#

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  • Sophia

    Good laugh! ???? Thank you!!

  • CVS

    To MOMOF6BOYS3GIRLS. I love you. Since CP likes to give people nicknames. I am going to call you “Fertile Fanny” I love the way you approached this fun/real article. Keep being you my sister.

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  • Alyson

    I’m a white girl, and I wouldn’t DREAM of going to a BBQ, party, or cookout without bringing food. My family and my husband’s family all have rural roots. And we bring FOOD to parties. Except my SIL……she thinks bringing a cheesecake from Costco is “bringing food.” She’s from Hollywood.

  • Black people CANNOT fight at all that is true i teach karate and they simply are the worst students. No cordination at all so scratch that. I never go to black events cause its like going to the zoo i do not hang out with monkeys

    • mamajana

      Hmmm, Scooty your jealousy is showing! And so is your ignorance – it’s “coordination” and don’t forget your punctuation!

      • There is jealousy back people cant fight they are all talk and ignorance

      • There is no jealousy back people cant fight they are all talk and ignorance if u fight a nigger all they do is jump around like a monkey. No coordination

  • EbolaJenkins

    was the victoms blacks???

  • Jef

    No mention of dice? My friend and his brother seemed a bit offended when I implied in what I thought was a complimentary manner that their “black: food was basically the same as our Southern food.

  • lynn

    the large amount of tin foil is to wrap the take home plates-a standard occurrence at black cook-outs,

  • mstoya

    So you just gonna send the white girl to the car with Tashas “New” boyfriend? Are you trying to get her cut? Lol. If its a guy , cool. but the women should be careful. We’re very territorial. Dont get too friendly with our boyfriends/husbands or straying off with them. Conversations should be short and in their mates presence. And its not a black/white thing, its a penis/vagina thing. Trust me, just take Tasha with you.

  • this was too funny, and surprisingly accurate. glad to see everyone enjoying the exchange of cultures….on that note msdragon you probably shouldnt go to anyone’s bbq until you deal with your anger issues. james is probably gonna call you bitch, for being pretentious lol

  • Dana

    The article and the comments had me laughing until the tears came!!!!? I wish I could erase the negative stuff. I keep styrofoam containers and plastic ware in my trunk!! I’m usually asked to bring the mac n cheese, run cake or peach cobbler…….

    • Dana


  • Tynard Romious

    I like this

  • Sheril

    This is so funny and true! My friend Lisa (who is Caucasian) sent this article to me. I’m still lol after reading it 5 times!

  • Randomuntruth

    I have mixed feelings about this post. As a black man, I can be sympathetic to some of these rules, but at the same time, these stereotypes, are not exclusive to black gatherings. When was the last time you, back or white, got invited to a barbecue and didn’t ask if you should bring something? Who shows up to a party on time? If there are not too many chairs, and you get up ANYWHERE, any party, any gathering, you will loose that seat. Simple. Ive been to a party hosted by an Irish family where they had football playing in EVERY ROOM in the house.
    The only time I’ve been to a black gathering where there was a tv with blasting volume was a ‘hood party’ not really a family gathering. I didn’t find this post very funny, but by itself it is pretty benign. Just a little fun– I understand. The danger is when people start associating these traits with black cookouts. But all of these rules eccept for rule #2, and #10 can be applied to ANY barbeque. Poster, be careful with this kind of humor, it can open the wrong doors.

    • mamajana

      it’s a joke!

    • Geesh, what happened to something just being funny? Why do people always have to pick things apart and make it about something else. Yes a lot of it is true and yes it may relate to just hood BBQ’s but still the shit is funny and that is exactly what he was going for, HUMOR and nothing else! So many people get on their high horse and think he is talking about them or that he means all black people in general. We all know those type of BBQ’s exist or he wouldn’t be able to make fun of it. Lighten up people! HE is not stereotyping all blacks. When you are secure in who you are and what you are about, shit like this wouldn’t even faze you.

      • mamajana

        Amen! If you listen to comedians and funny storytellers they are funny because there is truth in what they say. Get a grip!

      • Randomuntruth

        My point is is that this didnt have to be a black and white thing. Why is this the“THE CAUCASIAN’S GUIDE TO BLACK BARBECUES”? Why not title it “guide to navigate a cook out”? Is it funnier that it is specifically a black bbq? Its not. Its just as funny. As someone else pointed out, we have all been to THAT barbeque.

      • juanita

        It was so funny and true. I had such a good laugh..It made me,feel so good. THANK YOU. LOL

      • Andre

        thank you for your observation. I was reading some of these comments and I was damn why are people so offended. His article had me cracking up LMAO

        • mamajana

          So true! I roared when I read he article and some of the comments are priceless. C’mon folks, laugh a little!

        • Thank you Andre, I couldn’t believe some of the comments on this article and I don’t understand why a lot of people think he is saying that all black cookouts are like this. I have been to many cookouts in my life and quite a few of them were of different cultural backgrounds and I enjoyed all of them. This was funny as hell and had me cracking up.

    • mstoya

      Its just light fun. You’re valid in feeling how you want to feel but with that being said, everyone is different. I’ve been to gatherings where you are asked to bring something and I’ve also been to gatherings where the host is offended if anyone brought something because they love to cook and get feedback on their food. Its funny because majority of the “cookouts” I’ve attended are just as the writer described. Its not written in stone and every gathering on earth is not like this and we all know this. Its all in fun, laugh a little.


      I was going to just watch this unfold but I laughed at the “Irish” bit. I’m a card-carrying, glow in the dark pale, red-headed, Irish woman and I can tell you that what you said is absolutely true about our parties! In fact, we never miss an opportunity to party! The only difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake is that there’s one less drunk at the wake! (Get the point here? We who are comfortable with who and what we are can laugh at ourselves and spread that laughter around…. It’s an amazing concept!)

      • mamajana

        Love it, uccchurchmouse and I get it!

    • Bambi

      I think you’re wrong and too sensitive.
      I think the humor was well balanced playing with such a delicate issue.
      Throughout history, humor has often been used to do just this. And comedian greats like George Carlin has stressed it is actually a comedians duty.
      Chapelle has said the same.
      I don’t like stereotyping or profiling either but if NOT misused and construed, many have a basis.
      And to say most of that isn’t unique to a BLACK bar b que, but most?
      Where I come from, you DO NOT steal seating. YOU DO NOT EVEN TEMPORARILY SIT IN IT UNTIL THEIR RETURN!
      We are very punctual.
      If your more than an hour late, they’re holding up eating and warming the food worrying there’s been a crash.
      Mine didn’t drink liquor in family settings or holidays.
      Maybe a token eggnog.
      Gramma and gramps had their wine spritzers before wine spritzers came out… At bedtime. Sometimes one, sometimes quite a few.
      Nobody nipped anywhere.
      May leave to store and stop for shots but no stashed booze except my grandparents spritzer makers MUSCATEL or PORT with 7 Up in fridge.
      We did not park to block another either~ever.
      And only older family would or may be expected to bring something. Nothing was expected from the younger… Nor the food poisoning risk factored in.
      I think you haven’t been to any or many white or nonblack gatherings, sir.

    • Charles

      Randonuntruth,We fall down but we get up,Run


    I’m dying with laughters. You must have been to one of my family’s cookout… Love It!

  • DHC

    There is always that aunt that never brings anything and fixes 4 plates to go before she even eats her first plate. Then you have the other aunts who are prepared to catch her and say something about it to her but the first aunt always prevails and gets away with the plates! LOL The article is spot on!

    • mamajana

      Then you have the other aunt who tells everyone you took all of the food and now she has no leftovers. That’s the aunt who inspects take away dishes as you leave!

  • tee

    Very funny

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  • Katyblossom

    This is what we need to learn. The balance between celebrating and acknowledging the differences in cultures. Yet not acknowledging then lest we cause offence…… Where do you go from there? I thought the article quite funny. As would any insight, poking a wee bit if fun. We need to move on. Let go. HAVE FUN!

  • Yolanda

    Yep sounds like my people. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I do disagree with the music scenario. If the music stops….it’s going down. It’s all in fun people. Get your panties out of a bunch.

  • KG

    Too funny. I mean the comments. Don’t have black friends. Silly. Shows how life really is. Come party with me. Lol.

  • Very good Bruh!

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  • Dee-Dee

    I almost passed out I was laughing so hard. I had to get up on #10.

  • Gary Dwayne


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