Sex & Relationships
To Trick Daddy and ALL Black Men Who Degrade Black Women To Justify Dating “Women Of Other,” Ummm… Could You NOT?

By Kyla Lacey

The rapper Trick Daddy decided to go on an Instagram rant this week and say this:

This is funny coming from a man who actually looks like fried chicken–extra crispy. A few weeks ago I also saw a video of a young white (looking) woman who claimed that her father was black and that her mother was white and that black women would stare at them angrily in public.  She then verbally attacked black women, saying that we always nag, don’t give our men oral copulation, have weaves and don’t support our men.

Wayment heau!!!

First off, your hair looks like a depressed mop so you could benefit from a weave.  Secondly, how many black women have you been in a relationship with, because are you speaking as a sincere expert, or are you just regurgitating bullshit your ain’t shit ass daddy told you to justify his relationship with your mom?

Sadly, this wasn’t the first video that I saw of a white woman downing black women with the urging of a black man.  In another video, the semblance of a man laughed as his girlfriend talked about women who look like me, his mama, his relatives, and the play auntie who brought him a quilt when he was born and was there for all of his birthday parties and even his graduation.  Every snot bubble that fell from his nose, salty tear, and crusty butt cheek that was wiped in his childhood was done by a black woman, but somehow we are unworthy of love in return.  The reasons that black men give for not wanting to be with a black woman are super stupid and entirely fucked up.

There are black men who say that black women are too independent, strong-willed or just won’t submit and I find so much cowardice in loathing the same strength that worked tirelessly to keep food on plates and roofs over heads.  I recount some of the relationships that I have personally been in and how I’ve raised more black men than I could ever give birth to.  There was one relationship in particular where I cooked, cleaned, worked two jobs and he only worked my nerves, but I remained kind, sweet, sexual and loving until I realized how that relationship had Chernobyl level toxicity and I decided to leave.

When I hear black men say black women are not submissive enough I call foul. Do you know how many churchgoing, god-fearing women out here who are indoctrinated from childhood to submit to a man? We won’t even delve into how many black women stay after infidelity, emotional and physical abuse.  Do you know how many black women out there who will cook, clean, rub and suck toes and woes away? There are plenty. More importantly, why does love have to be about submission in the first place? Are you willing to ask yourself what type of man wants a submissive woman versus what type of man wants a woman who compliments him and whom he views as his equal?

Black women are ignorant is another excuse that some men use to justify their disdain for black women. Funny because by both race and gender there is a higher percentage of black women enrolled in college than any other demographic, so how possibly can we be the ignorant group?  I know so many successful college educated, passport toting, multiple language speaking, cultured, glorious black women that stare this stereotype in the face and laugh hysterically.

There are black men who say that black women wear too much weave.  I do know of black women who’ve never worn weaves, and some who do but only on occasion and wear their fabulous manes as the norm, or just want a different look, you know like say Kim Kardashian and Kylie Jenner are prone to do. Not to mention, society pressures black women into having a more “tame,” look that is not always in line with how our natural hair grows.  Instead of shaming black women for trying to keep our jobs….and men, black men who say this should really be pushing back society’s standards that tell black women that their hair is unprofessional, therefore encouraging more black women to embrace themselves.

I’ve heard Black women say that black women just aren’t as beautiful. I do respect this group because at least they are a little more honest about their fetishism, but is that what you really believe sir? Is this why women of other flock to plastic surgeons in droves to have the great value version of asses, hips, waists, and lips that naturally occur more on women of color? Is this why our style is constantly emulated and diluted in a more palatable, “oohh look what this cute white chick discovered,” package? If we are so undesirable, then why do so many desire to look like us? Some black men will date a woman who looks like she should be an extra on Fraggle Rock as long as she isn’t black.

Just admit it, you hold women of other in higher regard. White women have long been the standard of beauty and dating a white woman was considered socially taboo for so long for black men, as well as physically dangerous to do so.  Drug laws have been enacted and Klan propaganda has been created in order to defend the preciousness and purity of the white woman, while black women have been depicted as nappy headed hoes, slave masters’ nutrags and primates. Instead of defending black women, there are black men who agree with the degradation of black women, which includes the same women who raised them.  White women are considered trophies and the quicker black men can abandon us, maybe the quicker they can abandon the racism that comes with living in black skin, but even though that’s extremely illogical, that’s how many black men who only date women of other feel.

Black men in the entertainment industry understand that their core audience is mostly black women, and therefore onscreen their love interests are black women but off screen, Taye Diggs, Michael Ealy, Terrence Howard, Donald Glover, Cuba Gooding Jr., and Omari Hardwick, just to name a few, are rarely if ever seen dating black women. But they will surely make their money from black cinema supported by black women. I have dated outside of my race, and if you happen to date women of ALL races, I can respect that, but if black women are not on the list, naw fam, we ain’t fam. (Shout out to all the black men on who listed every race but their own).  I am unequivocally not against interracial relationships, unless it’s only interracial that you choose, because how can you truly love someone else if you don’t love where you come from?

So if you have yellow fever, jungle fever, scarlet fever or simply a mild fever and you need some Tylenol, don’t blame it on me, my likeness, or the countless black women who have been holding black men down since forever. Don’t use us to justify your fetishes of attaining taboo and trophy women and having watered down children.  Like what you like, but if you are going to leave black women out of that, then you should leave us out of  the conversation completely.


About the author

Kyla Jenee Lacey is primarily a spoken word artist who has performed at over 100 colleges and universities in over 30 states. Her first poem was published when she was ten years old. She has been a three time finalist in the largest regional poetry slam in the country and nominated for numerous awards for college performers. She has a modest Facebook following due to her slight humor, her love for logic, her cynicism and love for cats. She is also feminist, blacktivist, LGBT ally, budding blogger and tree hugger. twitter: Kyla_Lacey Instagram: frequentfly_her

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