As February 14th approaches you are sure to be inundated with amorous tokens of love and romance. But Valentines Day is more than just a day for chocolate, flowers and heartfelt symbols of desire–it is also a time for passion and lust. It is the day for knocking boots.
It is the day for knocking boots. A time for the horizontal mating dance. As it says in Ephesians: “There is a time for bumping, and a time for grinding” (I’m not 100% sure of that quote, but I went to Eddie Long’s church).
In the spirit of that sentiment, NegusWhoRead would like to share our top 10 getting-busy songs of all time. Keep in mind that these are not musical selections made for candlelight dinners and walks in the park. These are songs for sweating. These are lullabies for lust. Melodies to muffle moans. Here is our list, but–as always–we want to hear from you. Feel free to hit the comment section with any of your favorites we may have left off.
10. SWV featuring Missy Elliot – Can We Get Freaky
This is the perfect song to start off our playlist because it lets both parties know what they’re in for. Missy’s mischevious giggle ad libs set the perfect tone for the festivities.
9: Isley Brother – Don’t Say Good Night
What? You thought you were about to go to sleep?
Nah, baby, it’s Valentines Day, so the Isley Brothers let you know from the first lyrics that they “want to love you over and over again.” They want to “see what you’re like in bed.” As we discussed in earlier articles, falsetto is the necessary panty-removing ingredient in 72% of all love songs. A high-voiced singer can make anything sound good, and Ron Isley (this is before he became “Mr. Big) can read the preamble to the U.S. Constitution and make it sound sexy.
8. Teddy Pendergrass – Turn Out The Lights
Okay, we’re ready now. Teddy Pendergrass is the perfect candidate for this list because he sings like he’s about to do some real damage. Make no mistake, Teddy doesn’t play any games. When he says turn out the lights you turn those motherfuckers off. Please be warned: if you play this song, you’ll probably end up with a few superficial carpet burns, but so what–it’s V-day.
7. Quincy Jones (featuring Barry White, Al B Sure, James Ingram and El Debarge) – Secret Garden
This is one of those songs that is perfect for any occasion. It sounds sweet and light, but when you decipher the lyrics, you begin to understand what they are singing about. Barry White infiltrates a light-skinned-falsetto meeting, but James Ingram steals the show.
6. Prince – International Lover
Ain’t no video accompaniment bih. It’s Prince. Being Prince. Princing all over this muhfucka.
This song is so nasty if you put the CD on the bed there might be a wet spot.
5. Too Short – I’ve Been Watching You (Move Your Sexy Body)
I know what you’re thinking: Too Short? How? Too short remade Parliament’s funk hit into a nastier, funkier classic.
4. Make Me Say It Again (Stokely Of Mint Condition)
This is going to sound blasphemous, but I am not afraid to say it: Stokely sang this remake better than the original by The Isley Brothers.
There, I said it. The end of this song is actually orgasmic, so hold on, we have three more to go.
3. There’ll Never Be
Maybe I’m overdoing it with the falsetto.
This is a masterpiece. The lyrics are the sweetest way to tell someone “You’ll never get it like this again.” The music is flawless. This song is not for the faint of heart. If you choose to play it, or if you get this far, you must be sure that you can fill the qualifications of the lyrics.
2. If Only For One Night
Many people mistake this tome about begging for a one night stand as a romantic song. Luther pulls out the entire arsenal of warbles, runs and fluctuations to convince you that he “won’t tell a soul, no one has to know…”
But you will, because this is everything all love songs should be about: Sex, love and more sex.
1. Sexual Healing (Acapella Version)
You may have heard this song, but not this version. Marvin doesn’t need any music. If this song isn’t right for the occasion, you should just leave the bedroom, hold hands and watch an episode of the Gilmore Girls, because you ain’t ready for Valentines Day. The only quibble I have with this song is the last line: “Please don’t procrastinate. It’s not good to masturbate.” Come on Marvin, you know better than that…
But then again, it is Valentine’s day.
Have a happy one.
Honorable Mentions (the next 10):
20.D’Angelo & Lauryn Hill – “Nothing Even Matters”,
19. R. Kelly – “Bump & Grind”
18. Usher- “Nice & Slow”
17. D’Angelo – “How Does It Feel”
16. Floetry – “Say Yes”
15. Janet Jackson – “Any Time, Any Place”
14. Maxwell – “Whenever Wherever”
13. Prince – Insatiable
12. Adina Howard – “T-Shirt & Panties
11: Jodeci – “Feenin”